RIBBONS OF FALL presents as a dramatic, character driven story about lies, secrets, trust, and family bonding. The script is adapted from a novel.
The setting in Montana is stunning and would definitely translate to the big screen. The tone is dramatic. The goal is clear and the stakes feel high.
The plot features a compelling mystery. The storyline centers on the disappearance of a drunken father. It’s a mystery that easily engages the audience.
The audience knows that the father was a drunk and that something terrible appeared to have happened that night, but the audience doesn’t know the entire story. This creates nice anticipation and tension. The script offers a nice twist at the end that works well to surprise the viewer.
In addition, …show more content…
So it doesn’t make sense that he would be behind the mysterious man.
Also, there’s a rumor that Walter is back, but the sheriff doesn’t do anything about it. The subplot is just dropped, until the very end with the fire, but once again, the motivation for the fire doesn’t feel logical. It’s targeted at the Charles’ family, not Marco or Vin.
The fire also feels remote from the main storyline. The motivation is unclear and it really doesn’t connect with the disappearance of Walter or put anyone is major danger. It’s not the type of climax needed for this script.
Thus, the second act needs to be driven by more mystery and suspense. Either the mysterious man needs to claim to be Walter (perhaps Marco or Vin arranged this) and it’s questionable if he’s really Walter or not. He would have to show up months or years later, claiming to be a him and that he’s a changed man.
Or he could just show up in town and Marco tries to figure out if this man could be Walter or not. Or there would have to be other events that sustain the tension in the …show more content…
Just establishing Walter as abusive in the present day story and reference to his abuse in the past is all that is necessary.
The same with the ending. Showing Marco in the future with his own son isn’t really essential. It’s a creative choice.
There are other areas to be clarified. A cow hurts Vin, but this feel unrelated to the storyline and then he’s fine after the incident. Consider cutting the cow event. Also, if Vin’s going to have a stroke, then show him having a stroke.
It’s not clear why Charles goes to the bar to ask questions – this makes it feel like his story versus Marco’s story.
There’s a scene in which the maid Lucretia sees a man burying something and goes to the police, but it’s unclear how this relates to the storyline or what she really saw or reported. Is this related to the bone?
At the very end it’s not clear why it focuses on Charles and Elizabeth with their maid.
Cut the Mary Hanson scene as it does not add to the overall plot and it slows the pace.
Also, consider a twist that the body of Walter is hidden in the “Ribbons of
The setting in Montana is stunning and would definitely translate to the big screen. The tone is dramatic. The goal is clear and the stakes feel high.
The plot features a compelling mystery. The storyline centers on the disappearance of a drunken father. It’s a mystery that easily engages the audience.
The audience knows that the father was a drunk and that something terrible appeared to have happened that night, but the audience doesn’t know the entire story. This creates nice anticipation and tension. The script offers a nice twist at the end that works well to surprise the viewer.
In addition, …show more content…
So it doesn’t make sense that he would be behind the mysterious man.
Also, there’s a rumor that Walter is back, but the sheriff doesn’t do anything about it. The subplot is just dropped, until the very end with the fire, but once again, the motivation for the fire doesn’t feel logical. It’s targeted at the Charles’ family, not Marco or Vin.
The fire also feels remote from the main storyline. The motivation is unclear and it really doesn’t connect with the disappearance of Walter or put anyone is major danger. It’s not the type of climax needed for this script.
Thus, the second act needs to be driven by more mystery and suspense. Either the mysterious man needs to claim to be Walter (perhaps Marco or Vin arranged this) and it’s questionable if he’s really Walter or not. He would have to show up months or years later, claiming to be a him and that he’s a changed man.
Or he could just show up in town and Marco tries to figure out if this man could be Walter or not. Or there would have to be other events that sustain the tension in the …show more content…
Just establishing Walter as abusive in the present day story and reference to his abuse in the past is all that is necessary.
The same with the ending. Showing Marco in the future with his own son isn’t really essential. It’s a creative choice.
There are other areas to be clarified. A cow hurts Vin, but this feel unrelated to the storyline and then he’s fine after the incident. Consider cutting the cow event. Also, if Vin’s going to have a stroke, then show him having a stroke.
It’s not clear why Charles goes to the bar to ask questions – this makes it feel like his story versus Marco’s story.
There’s a scene in which the maid Lucretia sees a man burying something and goes to the police, but it’s unclear how this relates to the storyline or what she really saw or reported. Is this related to the bone?
At the very end it’s not clear why it focuses on Charles and Elizabeth with their maid.
Cut the Mary Hanson scene as it does not add to the overall plot and it slows the pace.
Also, consider a twist that the body of Walter is hidden in the “Ribbons of