Suicide Changed My Life
Now there's been times throughout my existence where things have gotten me down and I've been upset about times and where I've had regrets, but I had never done anything about them. Well this is the story of the time I unfortunately did.
What I'm about to tell you is something that I haven't publicly shared with people and if I did I don't know if I could ever live it down. In the fall of 2016 my life went into kind of a downward spiral. No specific event triggered it but all of a sudden my life had forever changed. I had never really thought …show more content…
Suicide never occurred to me as a real thing that people do. Nobody close to me had ever done anything like it so I had never really been affected by it. I had heard about it before I knew what it was and why people did it. So when those thoughts started to cross my mind that I'd be better off dead I was a little shocked. But again I still didn't tell anyone. I was afraid of what would happen if I told someone. What would happen to me? Would I be taken away from my family, friends, girlfriend? I had once heard a rumor that if you tried to kill yourself you'd be but in prison, would my life be tainted forever from just these mere thoughts? I tried to convince myself that my life was worth living, which at the time was a difficult thing to do because I didn't see any purpose in living other than to keep others happy. When I really thought about it what did I have to live for? My grades were terrible, I had little no real friends, my family always seemed disappointed in me. I just felt like if I were gone, maybe I'd help myself and others. So there it was, I had a reason and a plan to take my own life. I figured I would overdose on medication and if that didn't work I'd shoot myself in the head with my dads rifle. Plan A was attempted but failed. Plan B turned out like this, and these are the exact moments I remember. I loaded the rifle, pointed it to myself and pulled the trigger. It all took place in a matter of seconds. When I opened my eyes nothing had changed I was still alone in the room, I heard no gunshot, I didn't feel any different. I had left the safety on. As I took the safety off I heard a ding on my phone and I looked over and I saw that my girlfriend Katie had texted me. Just had randomly sent me three words which I'll always remember and cherish close to my heart. I saw this as a sign that maybe this too shall pass. So I unloaded the gun and placed it back in my fathers