Suicide Changed My Life

1136 Words 5 Pages
I've had some moments in my life where I've felt doubt, or I've been unsure of something. But there was one period of time in my life that's stuck with me, and I can trust that I'll never forget it.
Now there's been times throughout my existence where things have gotten me down and I've been upset about times and where I've had regrets, but I had never done anything about them. Well this is the story of the time I unfortunately did.
What I'm about to tell you is something that I haven't publicly shared with people and if I did I don't know if I could ever live it down. In the fall of 2016 my life went into kind of a downward spiral. No specific event triggered it but all of a sudden my life had forever changed. I had never really thought
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Suicide never occurred to me as a real thing that people do. Nobody close to me had ever done anything like it so I had never really been affected by it. I had heard about it before I knew what it was and why people did it. So when those thoughts started to cross my mind that I'd be better off dead I was a little shocked. But again I still didn't tell anyone. I was afraid of what would happen if I told someone. What would happen to me? Would I be taken away from my family, friends, girlfriend? I had once heard a rumor that if you tried to kill yourself you'd be but in prison, would my life be tainted forever from just these mere thoughts? I tried to convince myself that my life was worth living, which at the time was a difficult thing to do because I didn't see any purpose in living other than to keep others happy. When I really thought about it what did I have to live for? My grades were terrible, I had little no real friends, my family always seemed disappointed in me. I just felt like if I were gone, maybe I'd help myself and others. So there it was, I had a reason and a plan to take my own life. I figured I would overdose on medication and if that didn't work I'd shoot myself in the head with my dads rifle. Plan A was attempted but failed. Plan B turned out like this, and these are the exact moments I remember. I loaded the rifle, pointed it to myself and pulled the trigger. It all took place in a matter of seconds. When I opened my eyes nothing had changed I was still alone in the room, I heard no gunshot, I didn't feel any different. I had left the safety on. As I took the safety off I heard a ding on my phone and I looked over and I saw that my girlfriend Katie had texted me. Just had randomly sent me three words which I'll always remember and cherish close to my heart. I saw this as a sign that maybe this too shall pass. So I unloaded the gun and placed it back in my fathers

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