The Importance Of Good Communication In Fight For Your Marriage?

798 Words 4 Pages
Dr. William Harley, founder of Marriage Builders, and the book Fighting for Your Marriage by Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley, and Susan L. Blumberg, each help couples to improve and understand the importance of good communication skills that will strengthen and enhance their marriage. Communication is a vital component of any relationship and is especially important in sustaining a healthy marriage. Both sources bring into account the different ways in which men and women handle situations and the different ways to effectively communicate with each other. There are negative and positive ways in which to get feelings, thoughts, and opinions across. It often times will be the delivery that can escalate the conversation either up or down. …show more content…
If couples fail to recognize the negative energy that is brought into a marriage through the lack of good communication, they can damage their relationship. The four patterns that put couples at the most risk are escalation, invalidation, withdrawal and avoidance, and negative interpretation. Each one of these patterns can be avoided with the right tools to effectively get your thoughts and feelings across. According to Markman, Stanley, and Blumberg (2010), John Gottman determines, “that how couples begin talks about issues determines 96 percent of the subsequent course of the conversation” (p. 59). What a person says and what is actually heard can have a negative impact on a relationship. The five types of filters that affect couples as they communicate with each other are distractions, emotional states, beliefs and expectations, differences in style, and self-protection. Markman et al. (2010) states that, “filters are the leading cause of miscommunication in relationships. By understanding your filters - and counteracting them - you can immediately improve your communication” …show more content…
Harley, he stresses the importance of having intimate conversations with your partner every day. There are factors which will lead to good conversations and there are enemies of a good conversation. To have a positive outcome you must be respectful of your partner, inquire or ask questions, answer with honesty, take an interest in each other’s conversations, and always give your undivided attention. The problems which will instantly divert a conversation are being demanding and telling the other person what to do, being disrespectful, anger, and dwelling on mistakes. My favorite statement from Dr. Harley was, “being married to my wife is a privilege. God has given her to me” (Braden, 2013). This is such a beautiful statement and I believe that God brought my husband and me together. We were brought into each other’s lives at a critical moment for each of us. He offered the two of us happiness in a time of

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