Someone has wronged you. Your boyfriend has cheated on you, your colleague took credit for your project, that guy just took the parking space you've been patiently waiting for, for ten minutes. You're justified in your anger - they are wrong and you are right. And it's easy and very tempting to dig your heels in and stay mad, especially if the offense was a large one. But it doesn't really matter if the incident was large or small. There's good reason to learn how to let it go. Learning to forgive those who have "wronged us" may not always be easy, but it's definitely worth it. Here's why.
First, what exactly do we mean when we say "forgive and forget"? You may have been taught to "turn the other cheek", which can be interpreted as letting …show more content…
It's not about being a doormat. In fact, it has absolutely nothing to do with the other person at all. Forgiveness is about one thing and one thing only: it's about how YOU feel.
This is why it doesn't matter if the offense was large or small - the concept is the same whether we're talking about a broken heart or a stolen parking space. When you hold on to the anger, when you get stuck in blaming the other person and refuse to move on, you are hurting no one but yourself.
It's easy to get stuck in this emotion. It feels good. When someone "wrongs" you, it can be very easy to begin blaming yourself. You think "How could this happen to me? How could I be so stupid? Did I do something to deserve this?" And blaming yourself is pretty much the worst feeling in the world. Blaming others, although still not a pretty emotion, feels a heck of a lot better. And so we move into that anger and feeling of revenge with fervor. It wasn't your fault at all. It was THEIRS. Turning your blame away from yourself and onto others feels like relief. And you're so justified! After all, they really DID do something wrong. Your boyfriend is a bastard, your colleague is a backstabbing little weasel and that guy who stole your parking space just wasn't raised
First, what exactly do we mean when we say "forgive and forget"? You may have been taught to "turn the other cheek", which can be interpreted as letting …show more content…
It's not about being a doormat. In fact, it has absolutely nothing to do with the other person at all. Forgiveness is about one thing and one thing only: it's about how YOU feel.
This is why it doesn't matter if the offense was large or small - the concept is the same whether we're talking about a broken heart or a stolen parking space. When you hold on to the anger, when you get stuck in blaming the other person and refuse to move on, you are hurting no one but yourself.
It's easy to get stuck in this emotion. It feels good. When someone "wrongs" you, it can be very easy to begin blaming yourself. You think "How could this happen to me? How could I be so stupid? Did I do something to deserve this?" And blaming yourself is pretty much the worst feeling in the world. Blaming others, although still not a pretty emotion, feels a heck of a lot better. And so we move into that anger and feeling of revenge with fervor. It wasn't your fault at all. It was THEIRS. Turning your blame away from yourself and onto others feels like relief. And you're so justified! After all, they really DID do something wrong. Your boyfriend is a bastard, your colleague is a backstabbing little weasel and that guy who stole your parking space just wasn't raised