The Importance Of Conflict In Relationships

827 Words 4 Pages
There is conflict in every relationship, often resulting in blame and resentment of one’s partner while avoiding taking any blame. Steven Stosny (2010) talks about how resentment of one’s partner comes from one’s own attempt to avoid failures. In essence, one believes that they are the victim and their partner is the faulty one. Steven suggests that the way to combat this emotional abuse is through self-compassion. He says that one must be sensitive to the reasons for their resentment and must be motivated to heal and improve themselves. The better we feel about ourselves, the more we are able to love others. Thus, self-compassion reduces resentment and in turn creates a more successful relationship. The purpose of this paper is to support …show more content…
Commonly in relationships, partners will end up resenting the other due to misunderstanding of the other’s motives. People in unhealthy relationships tend to view their own actions as innocent while their partner’s are seen as more malicious or self-serving. One sees their partner’s negative behaviours as internal, stable, and global while viewing their negative behaviours as external, unstable, and specific. In healthy relationships however, partners attribute these behaviours in the opposite way (White, Martin, & Bartolic, 2013). So, the issues in the relationship are not necessarily caused by one’s actions, but how those actions are viewed by their …show more content…
A sample of 104 females and 56 males ranging from 18 to 71 years old, the majority married, living with their partner or in a relationship, were given questionnaires to complete and return. There were several scales which the participants filled out: relationship quality (satisfaction, commitment, intimacy, trust, passion, love and romance), relationship improvement attempts (three aspects they desired to change or improve and their ratings of those attempts), target of blame ,(to what extent was the self or the partner blamed) self regulation and partner’s self regulation (the extent to which they tried to change themselves or their partner tried to change their self and the level of success) and improvement strategies (the extent to which their strategies were positive or negative). The author also categorized the main targeted features which participants wanted to change (Hira & Overall,

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