At this point in the story, Ender is surrounded by friends and admirers, however he feels more lonely. He is thought of as God. At one point, in his thoughts, he cries , “ He had so much damn respect he wanted to scream.” (139). Ender’s road of trials brought him to a dark place, yet he continued to win and accomplish the impossible. He was pushed very hard, and never rested. Enders road of trials starts in the shuttle when he learns, battle school will not be a haven, and he would have enemies there too. He overcomes the isolation caused by Bernard, then has to earn respect from all the older soldiers as he moves up. Particularly from his power-hungry commander Bonzo, along with others who are jealous. Graff had Dragon army start fighting in battles much earlier than what was standard and set them up against higher ranked and even multiple armies. Ender was also dealing with some trauma caused by the fantasy game. During this, through his success, Ender loses his friends, and gains enemies. Then there was the fight with Bonzo, and Ender was again forced to hurt and kill someone. This further consumed Enders conscience and energy and was the last …show more content…
This finally erupts in command school when he breaks down. As soon as Ender got to command school and started training with Mazer Rackham, the pressure was back. Rackham asserts, “ ...I’m going to grind you down to dust, if I can. I’m going to hit you with everything I can imagine, and I will have no mercy, because when you face the buggers they will think of things I can’t imagine…” The cruelty in this is that Rackham actually had no control, and the whole plan depended on Ender having enough strength to, at least, complete the mission. Without knowing, he was actually commanding the IF forces against the buggers. On his last days in command school, in the BELLY OF THE WHALE Ender states, “ The days wore on, with battles every day, until at last Ender settled in the routine of the destruction of himself.” There are many specific instances that describe this. For example he wakes due to his graphic dreams to gnawing on his fist (to the point of drawing blood). At that time, in the BELLY OF THE WHALE, Ender states that his existence consisted of playing games, restless sleep, and forced eating. He is a commander, not a friend, to his leaders. This causes him to lose some of the mental stability he once had. He also breaks down physically multiple times. It did not need to be spoken outright to see that he was in his darkest