It is very hard for me to write about this in many ways. 1, no one really knows about this, so the fact that I am actually telling someone is unreal; 2, writing about this subject AND trying to make it grammatically …show more content…
I am hoping for a huge sigh of relief after turning this in, and a weight off of my shoulders; I’d like to feel like I’m not hiding anything anymore. As I mentioned before, I spent many years of my life suffering from depression. As I have also mentioned before, I HAVE recovered. I did not choose to write about this to get attention from anyone, I am fine now, yada, yada, yada. I suppose I will start off with the main thing that happened in my life, that completely changed me: My parents got divorced. Now, most kids would be absolutely devastated after this happening, however, I am not most kids. In the end, I was very happy with it. Before the divorce, everything was absolutely perfect, or at least it was in the eyes of a seven year old. I didn’t notice much of a difference between my parents. Yeah, …show more content…
It wasn’t for attention anymore. I don’t know if it was more that I felt like I deserved the pain, or it was a release, another way to get my emotions out that didn’t include crying. I hated crying. I thought it was disgusting, and I was ashamed of myself even more every time I did it. I constantly blamed myself for my parents’ divorce. They didn’t want kids, and I learned that on one particular night when my dad was intoxicated. He straight up told me that my brother and I weren’t supposed to happen. Now, that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love us unconditionally. He does, and we know that. However, we weren’t planned. I always catch myself thinking, “If I weren’t born, my parents would have lasted forever; they would have been happy.” I know I shouldn’t think that, but sometimes I can’t control it. I have never stopped thinking like that, but I have quit beating myself up over it. This went on until Sophomore year of High School. Now, It took a lot for me to actually get myself to quit doing it. It took a lot of support from the friends I have that were going through the same thing, but I DID stop. I no longer have the cuts on my body, but I still have the scars reminding me of it every single