REVENGE offers an intriguing world of warriors, Kings, betrayal, murder, and revenge. The script presents as a dramatic, epic tale driven by the need for vengeance.
While the idea of a deeply rooted plot of revenge has merit, the script would benefit from more development. One of the major concerns about the plot is the structure, as well as identifying the true protagonist that drives the storyline.
Initially it’s challenging to identify the true hero. Given the opening with Kolaib proposing to Galeelah and his guest to save her from King Hassan, one believes that Kolaib is the main protagonist. However, as the story progresses, Kolaib doesn’t drive the plot. Eventually, it becomes Salem’s story and he’s the true central character. It would benefit the script to clearly establish Salem as the protagonist from the opening. Make sure he consistent drives the story. There comes a time he leaves to live in the forest, and he’s absent from the storyline.
The other concern about the presentation is that the goal constantly changes. The first act sets up the goal for Kolaib and Salem to save Galeelah from King Hassan. They devise a plan to kill him …show more content…
Consider a more effective, cohesive structure. For example, the most intriguing feature of the script is the idea of Hagras falling in love with Jassas’ daughter, Layla. It’s a smart story choice, but not enough time is given to develop this storyline. It can be a very compelling storyline as Hagras is tore between his obligation to his father and his love for Layla. It would offer solid moral choices for the protagonist to make. Thus, consider making it Hagras’s story, his struggle with his father, who is consumed with revenge and how Hagras tries to stop years of retribution. His goal would be clear and the stakes would be high. This would create more compelling tension. Right now, because one doesn’t identify well with Salem, the tension feels
While the idea of a deeply rooted plot of revenge has merit, the script would benefit from more development. One of the major concerns about the plot is the structure, as well as identifying the true protagonist that drives the storyline.
Initially it’s challenging to identify the true hero. Given the opening with Kolaib proposing to Galeelah and his guest to save her from King Hassan, one believes that Kolaib is the main protagonist. However, as the story progresses, Kolaib doesn’t drive the plot. Eventually, it becomes Salem’s story and he’s the true central character. It would benefit the script to clearly establish Salem as the protagonist from the opening. Make sure he consistent drives the story. There comes a time he leaves to live in the forest, and he’s absent from the storyline.
The other concern about the presentation is that the goal constantly changes. The first act sets up the goal for Kolaib and Salem to save Galeelah from King Hassan. They devise a plan to kill him …show more content…
Consider a more effective, cohesive structure. For example, the most intriguing feature of the script is the idea of Hagras falling in love with Jassas’ daughter, Layla. It’s a smart story choice, but not enough time is given to develop this storyline. It can be a very compelling storyline as Hagras is tore between his obligation to his father and his love for Layla. It would offer solid moral choices for the protagonist to make. Thus, consider making it Hagras’s story, his struggle with his father, who is consumed with revenge and how Hagras tries to stop years of retribution. His goal would be clear and the stakes would be high. This would create more compelling tension. Right now, because one doesn’t identify well with Salem, the tension feels