Triangulation In The Heaton Family

As adults the Heaton children are very successful and for the most part, happy. They all have or are getting degrees in higher education and have successful careers. They are all married to their spouse for life and love raising their children. They are all active and enjoy exercise. The family is close, but not enmeshed and there isn’t a lot of fusion among family members. The children have made different lifestyle choices and have different beliefs, but they show each other mutual respect. The siblings communicate around once a month and visit perhaps once a year. When they get together they have a wonderful time.
However, as children, there were some emotional issues going on and as adults now, some of those underlying emotional issues …show more content…
Howard and Carolyn, for the most part, had a great marriage. They love each other and often showed affection for each other. They both had insecurities and Carolyn felt that Howard didn’t measure up to her own father financially and in social standing. She blamed Howard for everything, and yet, because of her insecurities, wouldn’t put herself in vulnerable positions to solve problems. It was easier to blame Howard. While Katie was growing up she felt triangulated with her mother against her father. Carolyn complained about her father enough that at a certain point Katie avoided her Dad. Later Carolyn triangulated with William. The rest of the siblings always considered William to be her favorite. This triangulation may have caused some of William’s issues of refusing to go to school and pulling out his eyebrows in third grade and drug problems as a teenager. James Bitter explains, “The most common form of triangulation occurs when two parents with poor differentiation fuse, leading to conflict, anxiety, and ultimately the involvement of a child in an attempt to regain stability” (2009, p. 83).Carolyn triangulated with the children to regain her stability and feel better about …show more content…
Much of this centered around weight, body image, food and her insecurities. For example, Carolyn had varicose veins and told her daughters that they probably get them too. Katie and Sarah never did, but worried about it growing up. Both Katie and Sarah ended up with eating disorders. Carolyn had an extreme focus on weight and body image, and yet, she was always at a healthy weight and would be described as thin. This projection was a multigenerational transmission process. Carolyn and her sisters learned this obsession with body weight and food issues from their parents. Carolyn and her two sisters felt that their self-worth was based on being thin. Even their brother John stated to his wife shortly after they got married, “just don’t get fat.” This was hard for her to hear. It seems that Katherine and Lynn based much of their self-worth on being thin and controlling what they ate as well. Lynn would often share that when his father Milton got diabetes, he was able to control the disease through diet alone. Lynn admired this and seemed to struggle with his control over food, even though he was not overweight. Whenever Katie visited her Grandmother Bennion or Aunt Becky, which she did often, they would constantly talk to her about weight. Becky would want Katie to diet with her as a support in her weight loss efforts. Grandma trained Katie to get up every morning and weigh herself. It became a lifelong