Summary Of 21 Years Away
The tone is seductive and beguiling. This is very appealing. There’s an ominous feeling that something tragic is going to happen. This creates some nice anticipation and tension.
The concept definitely has merit. However, unfortunately, the structure hinders the storyline. The plot is overly ambitious and tries to tell too many subplots. This becomes confusing and dilutes the overall plot. This includes the Mark/Amy story, the Mark/Ronnie/Lynn/Sherrie story, the …show more content…
Thus, try to create a more credible motivation. It can still be money, especially if Mark is going to make a fortune on the new project, but it’s just needs to be well planted in the script.
Also, the idea of Mark working with Ben doesn’t feel properly set up or foreshadowed. It’s unclear how they know each other. It would help to clarify this. Also, if he wanted to set up Amy, he could have done it early with Jeremy and/or Ben and/or Jet. The other concern about the plot is the character of Amy. She needs to be more sympathetic as a character and more relatable. Currently, it’s challenging to care about her. This is probably because the script highlights the conflict between Amy and Mark and she admits to being somewhat of a bitch to live with. Instead, consider that she’s more of the innocent wife, who believes she’s in a loving marriage, only to have her life shattered when she learns that Mark had an affair with her best friend Sherrie. Now her illusion of her perfect marriage is gone and she begins her sexual …show more content…
One never feels her struggle or her apprehension. She has too much of a tough exterior. Instead she needs to transform from passive victim to strong woman. In the climax she needs to emerge as strong and she needs to defeat the foe. So when Jeremy attacks Mark and Mark kills Jeremy this works, but then there should be a final struggle between Amy and Mark in which she defeats him.
Mark is challenging to understand as a character. It’s not clear if he wants the marriage to work or not. He feels underused and underwritten. Continue to work on his character.
Jeremy also is a bit perplexing. It’s unclear how he feels about Ben. It’s obvious to the audience that Ben is jealous of Amy and that there’s something between Ben and Jeremy. It’s not a major twist. It’s just unclear how Jeremy feels.
Jet is very intriguing as a character, but it’s unclear if she’s conspiring with Ben and Mark or not. If so, why not just take pictures of them (Amy and Jet) and use it. The rape allegation feels