Stinky Smith: A True Hero

FLORENCE— Do you smell it? That smell. A kind of smelly smell. The smelly smell that smells... smelly. As you surely know, that smell is the legendary Samuel “Stinky” Smith, who found his way to our school and didn’t even need to compete for a place in our hearts. Some may have always wondered where this true hero came from, which is reasonable because a man like this doesn’t come very often in life. Fortunately, through working with him in recent work with the Florence Chronicle, we have come to learn the origin of Mr. Smith and what great lengths he has come over to be where he is today. Smith’s tale begins in Gary, Indiana outside of the bear witch projects on the day he was born, April 23, sometime between 1564 and 1990 or thereabouts. After his elementary schooling, young Samuel moved to Cincinnati to attend high school. Smith quickly became very popular and even ended up coining the phrase “it’s not you, it’s me”. After playing baseball through …show more content…
Smith’s great success has left him very wealthy, allowing him to vacation to his summer home in the Hamptons every year. However, Stinky loves to give back to the community. This is what brought him to Florence, bringing Jared with him from Alaska. Upon his arrival, he impressed us all by outrunning Grace in cross country by 3/10 of a second this year, designing Angie’s fancy chrome nails, teaching Hannah to play the drums, designing the Chronicle’s new masthead, and providing all research for our Foreign Perspective articles. Unfortunately, recent troubles have caused a great stress on Mr. Smith’s remaining relatives who are currently making their way to Florence. It had come to my attention that Mr. Stinky Smith has been in a fatal autoerotic asphyxiation accident. I spoke with Derk “Du Boi” Schmidt, the advisor of the Florence Chronicle, recently to ask how the situation has progressed. “Stinky may or may be dead, but we are waiting for next of kin to identify his body” he tells