Before the Murder of Simon:
All of these boys have began to follow me, they have started to listen to whatever I say and I don’t know how to feel about it. The beast is still scaring all the little uns and they are turning to me and Ralph, but I can’t let them choose him over me, not again. He doesn’t deserve to be leader, he isn’t strong and rich, he isn’t a choir boy. He will follow eventually, no matter what I have to put him through. Simon has been scaring me too, with his seizure and how quiet he is, it makes me feel like everyone on this island is plotting against me. I need to be mean. Mean to the point where i’m mysterious and the others can’t see past my mask of anger. I always feel like I’m being watched because these kids constantly expect things of me and I hate it but I gain their liking from it, in the form of fear that’s what matters. I need to be the leader, I need to use them to get my way, the way things deserve to be.
After the murder: …show more content…
I could’ve stopped, I should’ve stopped. WHY DIDN’T I STOP. Those kids murdered him, not me. I was just dancing and trying to scare them, I didn’t kill him. I did. I took his life, it felt like I was in a trance and I had no control of my own self. I keep having nightmares. Everytime I hear a tree limb crack, I think of the way my spear sounded when it ripped out of him and entered back in again, and again. When I close my eyes to sleep, the glare of the sun shining off of his salt water covered forehead before he was swept to sea awakes me. I can’t be here. No one takes claim to this, but we did it. We murdered him for no reason. I can’t lead a bunch of murderers. Why was he on the ground, why was he crawling, it was his fault, he was the beast and he is the reason he isn’t alive. But that doesn’t make sense, did he want to
All of these boys have began to follow me, they have started to listen to whatever I say and I don’t know how to feel about it. The beast is still scaring all the little uns and they are turning to me and Ralph, but I can’t let them choose him over me, not again. He doesn’t deserve to be leader, he isn’t strong and rich, he isn’t a choir boy. He will follow eventually, no matter what I have to put him through. Simon has been scaring me too, with his seizure and how quiet he is, it makes me feel like everyone on this island is plotting against me. I need to be mean. Mean to the point where i’m mysterious and the others can’t see past my mask of anger. I always feel like I’m being watched because these kids constantly expect things of me and I hate it but I gain their liking from it, in the form of fear that’s what matters. I need to be the leader, I need to use them to get my way, the way things deserve to be.
After the murder: …show more content…
I could’ve stopped, I should’ve stopped. WHY DIDN’T I STOP. Those kids murdered him, not me. I was just dancing and trying to scare them, I didn’t kill him. I did. I took his life, it felt like I was in a trance and I had no control of my own self. I keep having nightmares. Everytime I hear a tree limb crack, I think of the way my spear sounded when it ripped out of him and entered back in again, and again. When I close my eyes to sleep, the glare of the sun shining off of his salt water covered forehead before he was swept to sea awakes me. I can’t be here. No one takes claim to this, but we did it. We murdered him for no reason. I can’t lead a bunch of murderers. Why was he on the ground, why was he crawling, it was his fault, he was the beast and he is the reason he isn’t alive. But that doesn’t make sense, did he want to