Short Story: Lilly Bell Bazin Is My Grandma
We experienced several circumstances …show more content…
“I’m not playin’. She is dead. She….”
I heard Aunt Patricia in the background talking.
She asked Stephanie, “Who is that on the phone? You are not supposed to tell him. Let his mamma tell him…”
I dropped the phone and I fainted I think. I do not recall much about the moments after what I found out about my most cherished Grandma. I do not recall if I cried or what my emotions were. In my mind reverberated the last words I remember Grandma uttering to me, “I want you to stay here with me.”
I remember thinking she knew she was going to die. She knew she would die if we left and I left. I am responsible for Grandma dying. I hate myself.
I was angry with God. I was angry with myself.
I remembered speaking with Grandma on one occasion and asking her to promise me that she would never die, because I would miss her so much. She never answered my request. She would just dismiss it.
I then would tell her that I hoped I died before she did because I could not stand to live without her. I do recall her saying something along the lines that I did not mean what I said; and that her dying could be the best thing to happen to me. Everything was a blur after that. Guilt filled my heart and my soul. I was 13 years old. It was December 23, 1989, the day I killed my