Self Analysis Essay

1079 Words Apr 22nd, 2013 5 Pages
Self-Analysis My environment was not very stable growing up. The definition of “dysfunctional” definitely comes to mind when looking back on the family unit that I was raised with. However, I do recall that watching how others around me socialized and interacted taught me that there were other ways of living and loving and I was determined to learn them. From an early age, I learned in bible school to treat people the way I wanted them to treat me, ie. The Golden Rule. I also learned that regardless of how I was treated in my home life by my siblings and parental figures, I could CHOOSE to treat others differently. I always knew that the way my father believed he should speak, interact, care for and discipline us was not the right way. …show more content…
How is it that she is always working? Or why does something always come up at the last minute? This woman that I idolized so much, the only woman figure in my life (if even from a distance) surely loved me and wanted to see me. So I believed her excuses until one day, I began to realize that if you love someone, you show up. It was just that simple. If you love someone you show up. I struggled throughout my thirty-five years trying to understand the motivations that would cause a mother to prioritize other circumstances over her relationship with her children. When my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given three months to live, I made a choice to forgive her choices, accept her for all her faults, and be content in the fact that the answers may never come in this life time. I chose to make her passing a peaceful transition for everyone. I believed that she owed me an explanation, but my beliefs changed. Because in the process of focusing on her needs, I was slowly reverting back to “The Golden Rule”. As one human to another, I knew how I would want people to react to me if I were dying. On her death bed she looked at me through tear stained eyes and mouthed the words “I’m so sorry”, “I was never as strong as you”. What I learned was, during this Self-Authorizing stage as defined by Kegan and Lahey’s (4th order of consciousness) sometimes what you believe you desire in life, and doesn’t always

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