A troubled detective investigates the murder of another cop that leads to a deep conspiracy.
STORY COMMENTS
The script TRACERS is a crime-thriller that appears to be based on true events. Murder and police thrillers are tried and true. There’s always an audience for a great mystery. The script offers various twists and turns, violence, murder, and a bit of romance. The story also takes place in a unique time (1960’s) and location.
The goal is clear and the stakes are very high. The structure is goal-focused. The tone is consistently dramatic with a film noir flare. There are themes explored about trust and moving on.
Also intriguing element of the script is that the protagonist, John, is determined to solve the murder of a police officer …show more content…
John clearly has sacrificed his personal life for his job, which leads to Mary leaving him. Yet, he easily connects with another potential love interest Elaine, which makes him less likable as a character. Their relationship comes too easily and Elaine’s role isn’t well defined in terms of how she really adds depth to the plot.
Find ways to make John stand out more as the protagonist. Like in the film INSOMNIA, the protagonist had a solid, unique weakness and flaw (he couldn’t sleep). The hero in DIE HARD also possessed a flaw with his fear of heights. The irony being he was in one of the tallest buildings in the world. This was well paid off in the end. In JAWS, the sheriff had a fear of water and had to battle his foe in the water.
Currently, John feels a bit too generic as a character. He does undergo a character arc when he learns to move on with his life and let go of his wife. He also learns to care more for people over his career. However, overall, he needs to drive the plot more effectively and feel more …show more content…
Narrative descriptions should be leaner and more precise (example page 55).
There are some typos, including the name Jenning. In the character heading the name is misspelled as “Jennning.”
There are some grammar errors.
On a smaller note, it’s not understood why John rings the bell to his own home (page 17).
HIGHLIGHTS TO CONSIDER
Consider tightening the opening scene.
Enhance the overall pace
Streamline the characters. Eliminate non-essential characters. Make the characters feel more distinctive from each other.
Create a stronger protagonist that feels more unique. Make sure he drives the action.
Give the protagonist stronger moral choices to make.
Create a stronger antagonist.
Create a stronger connection between the reveal of the true conspirator (Harding) and John (hero).
Simplify and clarify the plotline to make it less challenging to follow. Don’t make things too easy like the relationship with Elaine or coming up with a clue about “Sandman” which doesn’t feel believable.
Make sure to clearly explain the connection between the killings and the conspiracy (the plutonium).
Create original action sequences.
Create a strong climax that will feel more satisfying to the
STORY COMMENTS
The script TRACERS is a crime-thriller that appears to be based on true events. Murder and police thrillers are tried and true. There’s always an audience for a great mystery. The script offers various twists and turns, violence, murder, and a bit of romance. The story also takes place in a unique time (1960’s) and location.
The goal is clear and the stakes are very high. The structure is goal-focused. The tone is consistently dramatic with a film noir flare. There are themes explored about trust and moving on.
Also intriguing element of the script is that the protagonist, John, is determined to solve the murder of a police officer …show more content…
John clearly has sacrificed his personal life for his job, which leads to Mary leaving him. Yet, he easily connects with another potential love interest Elaine, which makes him less likable as a character. Their relationship comes too easily and Elaine’s role isn’t well defined in terms of how she really adds depth to the plot.
Find ways to make John stand out more as the protagonist. Like in the film INSOMNIA, the protagonist had a solid, unique weakness and flaw (he couldn’t sleep). The hero in DIE HARD also possessed a flaw with his fear of heights. The irony being he was in one of the tallest buildings in the world. This was well paid off in the end. In JAWS, the sheriff had a fear of water and had to battle his foe in the water.
Currently, John feels a bit too generic as a character. He does undergo a character arc when he learns to move on with his life and let go of his wife. He also learns to care more for people over his career. However, overall, he needs to drive the plot more effectively and feel more …show more content…
Narrative descriptions should be leaner and more precise (example page 55).
There are some typos, including the name Jenning. In the character heading the name is misspelled as “Jennning.”
There are some grammar errors.
On a smaller note, it’s not understood why John rings the bell to his own home (page 17).
HIGHLIGHTS TO CONSIDER
Consider tightening the opening scene.
Enhance the overall pace
Streamline the characters. Eliminate non-essential characters. Make the characters feel more distinctive from each other.
Create a stronger protagonist that feels more unique. Make sure he drives the action.
Give the protagonist stronger moral choices to make.
Create a stronger antagonist.
Create a stronger connection between the reveal of the true conspirator (Harding) and John (hero).
Simplify and clarify the plotline to make it less challenging to follow. Don’t make things too easy like the relationship with Elaine or coming up with a clue about “Sandman” which doesn’t feel believable.
Make sure to clearly explain the connection between the killings and the conspiracy (the plutonium).
Create original action sequences.
Create a strong climax that will feel more satisfying to the