My God, my God... What is wrong with me? I have chest pains. My heart flutters crazily within my chest with alarming regularity. I cannot breathe; I am chronically short of breath. I feel dizzy. My legs feel weak, almost rubbery. I feel as though I can't take that next step. My joints hurt with a relentless consistency. My stomach hurts. I have no appetite. When I eat, I cannot digest food. I am plagued by chronic indigestion and diarrhea. I am steadily losing weight. I cannot sleep. Every night l go to bed at my normal hour - eleven o'clock on the dot. I fall asleep quickly, but then wake up just as quickly... at midnight; at two a.m.; at four. Then, unmercifully, it's time to get up and go to work again. I have no energy. I am lethargic
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Depression does hurt. Often we think of depression as a having a bad day or two, or a bad week. But true depression goes much deeper. True depression traps a person in a cycle of frustration and emotional lows. Physical problems can incite or follow depression. For me, depression followed first the diagnoses of a chronic illness, and later, massive surgery. After a healthy childhood, I contracted Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis at age thirteen and ended up in a wheelchair for almost ten years. My body no longer responded to my commands, at least not without horrific pain. Thoughts of suicide filled my mind. Only later did I learn from a fiction book, of all things, that depression is a natural companion for those with chronic illnesses. Some become depression after surgery, some after a major loss or change, some after the birth of a child. Depression haunts those who feel abandoned by the loss of family, friends, spouse, work. Even a move away from a support system can trigger depression. Depression manifests in a feeling of aloneness, that no one understands, through tears, chronic fatigue, altered sleep patterns, over-eating or not eating at all. Once I realized depression was a normal side effect of my illness, I managed to deal with it and move on. Years later, massive reconstuctive surgery got me out of the wheelchair and walking again. But to keep walking when my knees and hips gave out required constant vigilance and surgery every few …show more content…
You could write article after article and you probably would be little closer to understanding manic depression. Why is this? It is because we are dealing with physicality, mentality and emotions. We are dealing with every aspect of our being and we are dealing with aspects that are out of whack. That is why we are going through the alphabet using a word with each letter to try and get our arms around this topic and, we may go through the alphabet twice or three times. I have had manic depression for years and years and I want people to be aware of this condition because it is so damaging and so many people have it. It impacts many families. And that is my lead-in. It just so happens that we just finished "e" and the word we selected was "euphoria." Euphoria relates to mania. That brings us to "f." There are so many words that start with "f" that is hard to pick the best one. (Which may be why we go through the alphabet more than once and we may find this is a great method for other illnesses!) However if I am limited to one word I have to pick the word "family." I remember living in a family where a father was in a great mood one night and then over the next five days would deteriorate to a mean person. At the end of the period of time he was very depressed and sad. During my marriage I have gone through many of these cycles. Finally in 1985 I got sad. One morning I couldn't get up. I had severe
Depression does hurt. Often we think of depression as a having a bad day or two, or a bad week. But true depression goes much deeper. True depression traps a person in a cycle of frustration and emotional lows. Physical problems can incite or follow depression. For me, depression followed first the diagnoses of a chronic illness, and later, massive surgery. After a healthy childhood, I contracted Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis at age thirteen and ended up in a wheelchair for almost ten years. My body no longer responded to my commands, at least not without horrific pain. Thoughts of suicide filled my mind. Only later did I learn from a fiction book, of all things, that depression is a natural companion for those with chronic illnesses. Some become depression after surgery, some after a major loss or change, some after the birth of a child. Depression haunts those who feel abandoned by the loss of family, friends, spouse, work. Even a move away from a support system can trigger depression. Depression manifests in a feeling of aloneness, that no one understands, through tears, chronic fatigue, altered sleep patterns, over-eating or not eating at all. Once I realized depression was a normal side effect of my illness, I managed to deal with it and move on. Years later, massive reconstuctive surgery got me out of the wheelchair and walking again. But to keep walking when my knees and hips gave out required constant vigilance and surgery every few …show more content…
You could write article after article and you probably would be little closer to understanding manic depression. Why is this? It is because we are dealing with physicality, mentality and emotions. We are dealing with every aspect of our being and we are dealing with aspects that are out of whack. That is why we are going through the alphabet using a word with each letter to try and get our arms around this topic and, we may go through the alphabet twice or three times. I have had manic depression for years and years and I want people to be aware of this condition because it is so damaging and so many people have it. It impacts many families. And that is my lead-in. It just so happens that we just finished "e" and the word we selected was "euphoria." Euphoria relates to mania. That brings us to "f." There are so many words that start with "f" that is hard to pick the best one. (Which may be why we go through the alphabet more than once and we may find this is a great method for other illnesses!) However if I am limited to one word I have to pick the word "family." I remember living in a family where a father was in a great mood one night and then over the next five days would deteriorate to a mean person. At the end of the period of time he was very depressed and sad. During my marriage I have gone through many of these cycles. Finally in 1985 I got sad. One morning I couldn't get up. I had severe