Sample Essay : My Work

1166 Words Dec 15th, 2016 5 Pages
One example of my collaboration work was on my Exploratory Essay. My partner Malika and I discussed different ways to help strengthen my thesis. She helped me grammatically and helped me specify the idea I was in fact, trying to portray through my thesis and body paragraphs. She stated possibilite confusion in one of my paragraphs that lacked proper connection back to the thesis and topic sentence. In my outline, I was able identify who were created The Primer, why they created The Primer and explain what was the purpose of writing The Primer. I was able to rewrite my paragraph to better connect it to the thesis and also better connect with the critic 's opinion. I was able to revise my essay not only grammar wise, but also, I was able to reduce the repetition of certain words. In addition, I was able to use better vocabulary to properly describe the idea I was trying to put across. With the feedback from my partner Malika provided me, I was able to outline my essay while still being able to voice my opinion in my essay without being confusing and boring. I’m able to voice my opinion and create valid, but a controversial point while still being able to relate to my essay. So feedback I gave to Malika about her piece was that yes, there is a thesis and it is “Both Perrault’s and Grimm’s Cinderella fairytales rely heavily on ideas that reinforce a patriarchy society. Fairytale stories showcase specific gender expectations that negatively represents women.” To improve, she…

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