Rhetorical Bread Tie

When the world was young, when humans were only a beginning species, there were the gods who watched over the humans, and doing so, the gods blessed man with a plethora of gifts. Gifts like, doo-dackers, hob-smackers, and willy-wonkers. All of these, however, cannot compare to the phantasmagorical bread tie. The great and all powerful god of toast, Chad, was the first to propose the mystical idea of a bread tie. However, the other gods were like, “Whoa, Chad, are you crazy? A device that can both seal and unseal bread whilst keeping it fresh?! You must be out of your mind, dude.” and so Chad was sent down into the Snackus Cabinetus, where he would be submitted to mold and lingering staleness. This infuriated Chad’s father, Dave, the god of all bread, even rye. Dave after …show more content…
Absolutely outraged by these insults, Dave sends a wave of angry wheat bread slices to attack the gods, and Chad sent a very sharp, burnt piece of toast to slice the gods in many pieces. In the spectacle, the gods were succumbed by the wheat bread men and the toast slicer, they were sliced into many tiny pieces in which Chad and Dave put the pieces into, they were then turned immediately into bread, then all the bags were closed off with the magical twist tie. However, soon after, a loaf of bread fell off of Brolympus and fell into the hands of a human, the human was rather unimpressed by the bread, but instead, in awe with the twist tie, finding themselves in complete shock and fear how it can both seal and unseal bread. Ever since this event Chad and Dave have delivered bread bags to humans with twist ties to prevent the collapse of human society without the twist tie. They have created many “brands” to deliver the bread, only to make sure any humans do not get suspicious. They continue to give humanity hope with the twist tie every, single,