Thank you for sharing this story. I don’t think it’s macabre to talk about the dead or spirits or dreams of spirits that linger. Dreams are amazing, or so I’ve always thought. There is real power in some of them. Others are probably a result of too much television and ice cream before bed, but that’s a whole ‘nother thing.
You have the rule of dialogue down pat. Your punctuation is in the right places, you indent when the speaker changes, and you use dialogue tags to let the reader know who’s speaking. I have a few small suggestions on dialogue: “It isn’t,” he reminded her, his backpack now shrugged over his shoulders. (Comma instead of a period because you’re attributing this directly to him, just like if you typed, he said.)
“I’m not alone,” she offered. (Same thing as above.) …show more content…
If you are starting a totally new sentence after the dialogue, use a period within the quotes and start the new sentence with a capital letter. If the dialogue is followed with a dialogue tag, use a comma inside the quotes and a lower case letter in the following word. Exception to this: if your dialogue ends with a ? or a !, use that instead of a comma.
This is my favorite sentence: The boy sighed, beginning the rhythmic shuffle that metronomed their days along. I like that you turned a noun into a verb that makes complete sense. Lovely! I also like that your ending and beginning tie in together with the theme of hope. In the last sentence, I would remove the name “Marshall” because it would give the last line more punch. I also like the sentiment: “that dreams and reality dance.”
I wasn’t confused by anything, but if you want to signal to your reader that you are ending the dream sequence and starting a new scene, you can use this: ***
To denote that you are starting a new scene, possibly in a new location, and maybe even with new
You have the rule of dialogue down pat. Your punctuation is in the right places, you indent when the speaker changes, and you use dialogue tags to let the reader know who’s speaking. I have a few small suggestions on dialogue: “It isn’t,” he reminded her, his backpack now shrugged over his shoulders. (Comma instead of a period because you’re attributing this directly to him, just like if you typed, he said.)
“I’m not alone,” she offered. (Same thing as above.) …show more content…
If you are starting a totally new sentence after the dialogue, use a period within the quotes and start the new sentence with a capital letter. If the dialogue is followed with a dialogue tag, use a comma inside the quotes and a lower case letter in the following word. Exception to this: if your dialogue ends with a ? or a !, use that instead of a comma.
This is my favorite sentence: The boy sighed, beginning the rhythmic shuffle that metronomed their days along. I like that you turned a noun into a verb that makes complete sense. Lovely! I also like that your ending and beginning tie in together with the theme of hope. In the last sentence, I would remove the name “Marshall” because it would give the last line more punch. I also like the sentiment: “that dreams and reality dance.”
I wasn’t confused by anything, but if you want to signal to your reader that you are ending the dream sequence and starting a new scene, you can use this: ***
To denote that you are starting a new scene, possibly in a new location, and maybe even with new