The Sacred Search The author of The Sacred Search, Gary Thomas, wrote this book on the premise of, “What if It's Not about Who You Marry, but Why?” He goes over the meticulous process of finding a potential spouse and the best ways to go about it. He talks about how to approach relationships and dating with intention, individual maturity and preparation, understanding infatuation, pursuing someone with Godly characteristics and spiritual maturity, gender roles, relational compatibility, how to seek God first, and how to know when it's a no. A very important point that he makes is that marriage is not something that should be filling a hole in our lives. Before you plan to get married, you should be confident in your identity in Christ. A large
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This should also be a characteristic that you look for in a potential spouse. Thomas gives many exemplary examples of characteristics that we should look for in a future spouse. He explains how you shouldn’t look for someone who is a clone of you, but rather someone who compliments you. Your partner doesn’t have to have all the same hobbies and interests, but it is important you have enough in common to be able to spend time together doing things you both enjoy. You also have to take compatibility into account because if your values don’t align, it can easily lead to controversy in a marriage, especially when children are in the picture. He gives examples of how we should pursue a relationship in chapter 17, “How Would Jesus Date?” Throughout this chapter, it reminds us to check our intentions and reasons for dating. It explains how easy it is to be selfish in a relationship and how we often put our needs above others. Not only should we check the intentions of the person we are in a relationship with, but we should also check our …show more content…
Thomas explains that although infatuation is a strong and convincing feeling, it doesn’t always give us accurate information. This is something we should be aware of in a relationship because it could encourage us to pursue a relationship that isn’t right for us as we can be blinded by strong feelings. Infatuation eventually wears off, so it is critical to be in a relationship with someone you respect enough to continue to choose to love when things become more challenging. Another aspect is expectations and roles in marriage. If two people go into marriage with two completely different ideas of what their marriage is going to look like, this once again will lead to problems in a marriage. Is the wife going to stay home with the kids or is she planning to work? Does the husband’s job make enough to support the family, or will the wife have to get a job? Who is expected to keep up with maintenance on the house? Who does the cooking and cleaning? These questions are just a few that will have to be worked through for a couple to understand the expectations they have for one another in marriage. This is something that should be communicated and compromised
This should also be a characteristic that you look for in a potential spouse. Thomas gives many exemplary examples of characteristics that we should look for in a future spouse. He explains how you shouldn’t look for someone who is a clone of you, but rather someone who compliments you. Your partner doesn’t have to have all the same hobbies and interests, but it is important you have enough in common to be able to spend time together doing things you both enjoy. You also have to take compatibility into account because if your values don’t align, it can easily lead to controversy in a marriage, especially when children are in the picture. He gives examples of how we should pursue a relationship in chapter 17, “How Would Jesus Date?” Throughout this chapter, it reminds us to check our intentions and reasons for dating. It explains how easy it is to be selfish in a relationship and how we often put our needs above others. Not only should we check the intentions of the person we are in a relationship with, but we should also check our …show more content…
Thomas explains that although infatuation is a strong and convincing feeling, it doesn’t always give us accurate information. This is something we should be aware of in a relationship because it could encourage us to pursue a relationship that isn’t right for us as we can be blinded by strong feelings. Infatuation eventually wears off, so it is critical to be in a relationship with someone you respect enough to continue to choose to love when things become more challenging. Another aspect is expectations and roles in marriage. If two people go into marriage with two completely different ideas of what their marriage is going to look like, this once again will lead to problems in a marriage. Is the wife going to stay home with the kids or is she planning to work? Does the husband’s job make enough to support the family, or will the wife have to get a job? Who is expected to keep up with maintenance on the house? Who does the cooking and cleaning? These questions are just a few that will have to be worked through for a couple to understand the expectations they have for one another in marriage. This is something that should be communicated and compromised