Duc Nguyen-Pham’s essay
I like that this essay has a clear thesis and provides interesting examples for supporting topic sentences. After reading this essay, I searched the film, Breakfast at Tiffany’, and found negatively portrayed American actress which are difficult to be noticed in this modern time. Also, each body paragraph talk about one topic which is one of the three avenues. So, I was able to easily understand the essay.
Base 1: Unity 1. Is there a clearly stated thesis in the introductory paragraph?
Yes. The thesis sentence is at the end of the introduction paragraph.
2. Do all the supporting paragraphs back up the thesis?
The following three body paragraphs have each topic sentence which support the thesis sentence.
Your comment: …show more content…
Are there any rough spots where the sentences do not flow smoothly and clearly?
Several phrases look not harmonized in sentences. The writer uses parenthesis for writing own opinion. However, I think the parenthesis is incorrectly used in the essay.
2. Are there any mistakes in grammar, punctuation, or usage?
The writer needs to fix used pronouns in this essay. I found some pronouns that are wrongly used for describing the nouns.
Your comment: Because I am also an English learner, I cannot ensure that my using of grammar is correct. I found several incorrect sentences according to grammar, sentence structure, and a flow. A phrase in a parenthesis interrupts the sentence, “It is apparent that not all Asian people have slanted eyes (myself for example).” The parenthesis unnecessary for the whole sentence. Moreover, in the first sentence of the essay, “Hollywood screen writers and directors do have a social responsibility when portraying characters whom are not white in American films,” the pronoun, “whom” is needed to be “who.” Moreover, in the sentence, “In a technologically advanced world; information is shared across the globe in a multitude of ways,” “;” is not necessary. I do not know why “;” is the middle of the sentence.
Huy Ly’s
I like that this essay has a clear thesis and provides interesting examples for supporting topic sentences. After reading this essay, I searched the film, Breakfast at Tiffany’, and found negatively portrayed American actress which are difficult to be noticed in this modern time. Also, each body paragraph talk about one topic which is one of the three avenues. So, I was able to easily understand the essay.
Base 1: Unity 1. Is there a clearly stated thesis in the introductory paragraph?
Yes. The thesis sentence is at the end of the introduction paragraph.
2. Do all the supporting paragraphs back up the thesis?
The following three body paragraphs have each topic sentence which support the thesis sentence.
Your comment: …show more content…
Are there any rough spots where the sentences do not flow smoothly and clearly?
Several phrases look not harmonized in sentences. The writer uses parenthesis for writing own opinion. However, I think the parenthesis is incorrectly used in the essay.
2. Are there any mistakes in grammar, punctuation, or usage?
The writer needs to fix used pronouns in this essay. I found some pronouns that are wrongly used for describing the nouns.
Your comment: Because I am also an English learner, I cannot ensure that my using of grammar is correct. I found several incorrect sentences according to grammar, sentence structure, and a flow. A phrase in a parenthesis interrupts the sentence, “It is apparent that not all Asian people have slanted eyes (myself for example).” The parenthesis unnecessary for the whole sentence. Moreover, in the first sentence of the essay, “Hollywood screen writers and directors do have a social responsibility when portraying characters whom are not white in American films,” the pronoun, “whom” is needed to be “who.” Moreover, in the sentence, “In a technologically advanced world; information is shared across the globe in a multitude of ways,” “;” is not necessary. I do not know why “;” is the middle of the sentence.
Huy Ly’s