Preface: I have many journals that I have used, on and off, throughout the years. I will be using them to aid my response, because after reading Living With a Wild God by Barbara Ehrenreich, I see no other way to fully express my change in faith than to speak to my younger self. Like Barbara, writing was a release for me, and I often reflect on my past journals, so I thought it would be appropriate to bring them into this essay.
An Essay to Myself
You always knew God, and what it meant to be a good Catholic girl. You always knew what it meant to follow the ten commandments and go to church with your family every Sunday. Do you remember, though, how you put on a show for everyone because of that? How you worshipped a boy instead of the God …show more content…
I know you know this one, you’ve held onto it for the past four years because he meant so much to you. He was everything to you, he was your god. “We could go you know… Fake my death or something… I’d go in a heartbeat.” Do you realize how you sounded? Like you were his disciple, Stephanie, you wanted to be a martyr for him. He was perfect in your eyes, in your eyes he could do no wrong to you. So you worshipped him, not only because he was perfect, but because he was your only source of comfort after your dad died. You went to hell and back, and who was there to carry you? Him. So you clung on, to every word like it was scripture. He became your new religion, and you said daily wishes for a future with him, the way you were told to say your daily prayers for Jesus. That notebook had poems in it, that he had written. It was your bible for this obsession you had over a boy. He was just a boy, Stephanie. He cheated on you multiple times and made other girls his disciples. He loved it too much, all the praise and glory they gave him. “The idea of a God who is both all powerful and all good is a logical impossibility” (Ehrenreich, Living With a Wild God). He had all the power over you, and you let him control your mind to the point where you disregarded the destructive qualities about him. It was easy for you to ignore it all, but you figured it out eventually. You learned to see him in a critical view, and detach your past from …show more content…
You went with your youth group as you were preparing for your confirmation. RJ Bagus, one of the leaders closest to you, took the time to write in your journal, saying “ You are very diligent and agile in your faith. You know the plan God has for us is complex and grand but some people can take it, I know you can because you are strong in your faith” (Bagus, 2015). At the time, you were really deep into the Catholic religion. You went to pro life marches, and grounded yourself in the Holy Catholic Bible. After your first year of college in New York City, I’m gonna tell you a quick revelation. Revelations 2018; the Catholic faith was easy for you to commit yourself to. “The Ten Commandments, for example, were no more challenging than the Girl Scout oath” (Ehrenreich, Living With a Wild God). It was easy for you to fall in line, and fulfill the expectations of a Catholic girl. So, you got confirmed, and I don’t regret you doing that. I’m still Catholic don’t worry, it wasn’t all for nothing I promise. The issue is that you did not know what your personal faith was. Your faith was what Fr. George said it was on Sundays. The songs you sang, and the passages you read to the congregation at mass were professions of what you were told to
An Essay to Myself
You always knew God, and what it meant to be a good Catholic girl. You always knew what it meant to follow the ten commandments and go to church with your family every Sunday. Do you remember, though, how you put on a show for everyone because of that? How you worshipped a boy instead of the God …show more content…
I know you know this one, you’ve held onto it for the past four years because he meant so much to you. He was everything to you, he was your god. “We could go you know… Fake my death or something… I’d go in a heartbeat.” Do you realize how you sounded? Like you were his disciple, Stephanie, you wanted to be a martyr for him. He was perfect in your eyes, in your eyes he could do no wrong to you. So you worshipped him, not only because he was perfect, but because he was your only source of comfort after your dad died. You went to hell and back, and who was there to carry you? Him. So you clung on, to every word like it was scripture. He became your new religion, and you said daily wishes for a future with him, the way you were told to say your daily prayers for Jesus. That notebook had poems in it, that he had written. It was your bible for this obsession you had over a boy. He was just a boy, Stephanie. He cheated on you multiple times and made other girls his disciples. He loved it too much, all the praise and glory they gave him. “The idea of a God who is both all powerful and all good is a logical impossibility” (Ehrenreich, Living With a Wild God). He had all the power over you, and you let him control your mind to the point where you disregarded the destructive qualities about him. It was easy for you to ignore it all, but you figured it out eventually. You learned to see him in a critical view, and detach your past from …show more content…
You went with your youth group as you were preparing for your confirmation. RJ Bagus, one of the leaders closest to you, took the time to write in your journal, saying “ You are very diligent and agile in your faith. You know the plan God has for us is complex and grand but some people can take it, I know you can because you are strong in your faith” (Bagus, 2015). At the time, you were really deep into the Catholic religion. You went to pro life marches, and grounded yourself in the Holy Catholic Bible. After your first year of college in New York City, I’m gonna tell you a quick revelation. Revelations 2018; the Catholic faith was easy for you to commit yourself to. “The Ten Commandments, for example, were no more challenging than the Girl Scout oath” (Ehrenreich, Living With a Wild God). It was easy for you to fall in line, and fulfill the expectations of a Catholic girl. So, you got confirmed, and I don’t regret you doing that. I’m still Catholic don’t worry, it wasn’t all for nothing I promise. The issue is that you did not know what your personal faith was. Your faith was what Fr. George said it was on Sundays. The songs you sang, and the passages you read to the congregation at mass were professions of what you were told to