Commit
Revised Descriptive/ Reflective Place Essay
Reflection: What makes this essay better than its original form is that I added more detail to give the reader a better understanding. Just adding one small detail can change the reader's perspective. I have also learned to incorporate different types of sentences to improve my writing style.
“Come on dude, just do it.”
Brady’s encouraging voice kept echoing over and over in my head. Pressure filled my mind as if it were air filling a balloon. It was as if my head were going to detonate. As I looked across the rushing creek, I noticed an intimidating roar of water rolling over stones and rocks that had filled it. The stream seemed to be screaming at my terrified body. The forest air was cool, with an occasional ray of sunlight that crept through the needles connected to the surrounding pine trees. I was haunted by thousands of possibilities of how jumping across the creek could go amiss. I was intimidated by Brady on my left side cheering me on, the creek growling viciously at me, and …show more content…
Walking along the road to the creek was peaceful, yet terrifying at the same time. Although I was scared, I was also determined. Growing nearer, the streams aggressive screams grew more audible. Approaching, I once again was stuck with fear that this was unsafe. I again peered across the intimidating body of water. I felt so small compared to this outstretched stream. I knew this wasn’t about jumping across, this was about overcoming my fears in life. As I built momentum, I noticed crows squawking rhythmically. Sprinting toward the edge, I felt like an airplane launching from a runway. Wind flew through my uncut summer hair, and within seconds I heard that satisfying clip of my heels barely landing against the creeks spine. Happiness rattled throughout my bones and through under my skin. I had made it, and the creeks roar no longer scared
Revised Descriptive/ Reflective Place Essay
Reflection: What makes this essay better than its original form is that I added more detail to give the reader a better understanding. Just adding one small detail can change the reader's perspective. I have also learned to incorporate different types of sentences to improve my writing style.
“Come on dude, just do it.”
Brady’s encouraging voice kept echoing over and over in my head. Pressure filled my mind as if it were air filling a balloon. It was as if my head were going to detonate. As I looked across the rushing creek, I noticed an intimidating roar of water rolling over stones and rocks that had filled it. The stream seemed to be screaming at my terrified body. The forest air was cool, with an occasional ray of sunlight that crept through the needles connected to the surrounding pine trees. I was haunted by thousands of possibilities of how jumping across the creek could go amiss. I was intimidated by Brady on my left side cheering me on, the creek growling viciously at me, and …show more content…
Walking along the road to the creek was peaceful, yet terrifying at the same time. Although I was scared, I was also determined. Growing nearer, the streams aggressive screams grew more audible. Approaching, I once again was stuck with fear that this was unsafe. I again peered across the intimidating body of water. I felt so small compared to this outstretched stream. I knew this wasn’t about jumping across, this was about overcoming my fears in life. As I built momentum, I noticed crows squawking rhythmically. Sprinting toward the edge, I felt like an airplane launching from a runway. Wind flew through my uncut summer hair, and within seconds I heard that satisfying clip of my heels barely landing against the creeks spine. Happiness rattled throughout my bones and through under my skin. I had made it, and the creeks roar no longer scared