Four Stages Of Forgiveness

2162 Words 9 Pages
I grew up with the famous bible verse from Micah 7:19, “He will turn again, and have compassion upon us: he will subdue our iniquities, and cast all their sins into the bottom of the sea.” However, this quote was defined as “let go and let God.” This idea made me believed that once I forgave, I moved on with my life. Through the book Helping Clients Forgive: An Empirical Guide for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope by Robert D. Enright and Richard P. Fitzgibbons I was able to understand the process of forgiveness in psychotherapy through its four phases. Within these four stages of forgiveness, uncovering, decision, work and deepening, I was able to understand that letting go and letting God was not enough for me but letting go to an deeper …show more content…
I learned that forgiveness is not forgetting because it does not eliminate the events from the past. Forgiveness does not justify ones action or puts an excuse to the wrongdoer. Forgives is a continuum progress to why one chooses to forgive the wrongdoer, abandons the resentment, reflects compassion and humanizes the wrongdoer. Throughout my journey of forgiveness I began to experience the beginning of forgiveness for the wrongdoer because I came to an understanding that forgiveness in a day-to-day progress. I have sincerely been trying to internally confront my offender; it has made me realize that I have been angry with him and not his girlfriend. Through this process I continued to speak to one of my dear friend about Kelso, however it was almost always to belittle him as person to make me feel better. I regarded him, as “he is someone not worth my time or effort” since I knew I had not lost anything. I realized that all along I have been having a cloaked revenge against Kelso, so his action would not get under my skin. I truly thought he did not need my forgiveness because the damage was done and he was happy posting pictures from left to right with his girlfriend. But came to realize that he did not need my forgiveness because it not about what he did but what I did. I needed to forgive myself for comparing myself, I did not give myself the value that I deserve, …show more content…
Also I have chosen to speak to my boyfriend, Oscar, about my past and why I was so distant with him. I told him, how hurt I was and how I was misdirecting my anger towards him and asked him for his forgiveness. My efforts have made me feel free from the heavy and unwanted anger I felt towards Kelso and myself, I was disappointed that Kelso lead me on and frustrated that I compare myself to another individual. I realized that I am no better than anyone else but I am just the person that I am. My relationship with Oscar has grown after I shared a little bit of my past experience with Kelso, as a result it made me realize that I was not alone in my suffering because I realize that others too have had relationships that have hurt them in different types of

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