Faith Journey

As someone who has been fascinated by words from a young age, I have always found the term ‘faith’ to be a vague one. Faith, or lack thereof, can come in a dizzying array of forms, intensities, and meanings for various people; in essence, each individual’s journey with faith is a unique one that spans a lifetime and is kept in constant evolution. Thus the definition of Faith must be kept vague and malleable, as it carries different meanings for everyone at various stages in life. For me, my current place in the realm of faith, religion, and spirituality is an uncertain one; due to multiple influences and pivotal moments in my life, I find myself an unsettled and hesitant pilgrim who is aiming to remain open-minded and thoughtful as her journey …show more content…
As previously mentioned, my childhood concept of faith was simply that if I loved God and followed his commandments, good things would happen to me as a reward. As I grew older, however, multiple events shook my confidence in this idea, and left me more uncertain and unsettled in my journey with Faith. For instance, the death of my Grandmother and the tragic death of a girl in my class during my freshman year of High School made me question my beliefs; I wondered how a supposedly loving and giving God could inflict such pain and tragedy on good people. Furthermore, in my senior year of high school, the death of one of my best friends from cancer further damaged and weakened my faith; I couldn’t wrap my mind around or accept any Christian explanation for this suffering. The only reason I could see for these tragedies was that God, if he existed, had no control over these things; that while he may have created and set the Universe in motion, he could not directly influence earthly events. Any other explanation that would have pointed to God having a direct hand in these tragedies would have driven me farther from my Faith out of pure anger. My relationship with God, already distant and impersonal, has therefore become more unsettled and uncertain. I am a pilgrim who no longer knows what place God has in my life, or what I can gain from a relationship with him. I feel very little personal connection with God himself, although I can respect those who do have that connection. However, I am resistant to completely closing myself off from Faith, and I am therefore attempting to remain open minded to the idea of once again developing a closer relationship with