Identity:
This is an issue I have struggled with my whole life.
Who am I?
Who should I be?
Why do I even exist?
Would the world be better off without me?
Do I even make a difference?
I have asked my self these questions over and over again, driving myself deeper into a hole of self-pity and assumed worthlessness.
From the time I was just a toddler, I have wondered if I had a place I this world. Why, you might wonder, would a little girl even think things like this? I clarify, I had an amazing childhood, my brothers are, and always have been my best friends. I never doubted that my parents loved me, I am not writing about this to 'hate on ' people I feel have let me down. I 'm writing this to all those people who still believe the lie.
One …show more content…
It was real, I believed that I was a sinner, that Christ died on the cross for me, and He was raised from the dead and now his spirit lived in me. I don 't/didn 't doubt my salvation. As years passed, I continued feeding myself those lies, and slowly but surly began to drift away from my childish, enthusiastic, first love. I still believed, but it no longer felt personal. I was wallowing in my own battles, instead of giving them to him to fight (which actually would have been a much better idea).
When I was about 14, (that year was horrible, why can 't we skip from 13 to 15?) I wanted to do my thing, my way. I didn 't want to be held down by a book that was over 2,000 years old. I didn 't want to believe in God, I tried to live as though I didn 't believe, if I didn 't believe in God, I could 'justify ' myself humanly speaking. Before a perfect God, I KNEW I had no excuse. I never could banish the reality of a creator from my mind. In my heart I always knew, He was real, and I was without …show more content…
Why did he talk about the 'blessing ' of pain? Really? How is you not being able to move a blessing? How can you still trust God after this? Why would God do this to you? God continued to break me, until I had nothing to stand for. I felt utterly worthless. That 's when Lamentations 3:22- 27 became the thing that gave me hope, to keep on living. "It is of the Lord 's mercies we are NOT consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are NEW every morning; great is thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion; saith my soul; therefore will I HOPE IN HIM. The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him. It is good that a man should hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth."
Lamentations is actually a rather depressing book, if we look at what is around this verse there is total chaos, Israel sinned, again. God had to punish them, again. No matter how may times they sinned and were punished, the LORD 'S mercies were not consumed.
I came to the conclusion, that its a really good thing God is God, and I 'm not, because if that were the case we 'd be in much deeper trouble.
Genesis 1:27 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female he created
This is an issue I have struggled with my whole life.
Who am I?
Who should I be?
Why do I even exist?
Would the world be better off without me?
Do I even make a difference?
I have asked my self these questions over and over again, driving myself deeper into a hole of self-pity and assumed worthlessness.
From the time I was just a toddler, I have wondered if I had a place I this world. Why, you might wonder, would a little girl even think things like this? I clarify, I had an amazing childhood, my brothers are, and always have been my best friends. I never doubted that my parents loved me, I am not writing about this to 'hate on ' people I feel have let me down. I 'm writing this to all those people who still believe the lie.
One …show more content…
It was real, I believed that I was a sinner, that Christ died on the cross for me, and He was raised from the dead and now his spirit lived in me. I don 't/didn 't doubt my salvation. As years passed, I continued feeding myself those lies, and slowly but surly began to drift away from my childish, enthusiastic, first love. I still believed, but it no longer felt personal. I was wallowing in my own battles, instead of giving them to him to fight (which actually would have been a much better idea).
When I was about 14, (that year was horrible, why can 't we skip from 13 to 15?) I wanted to do my thing, my way. I didn 't want to be held down by a book that was over 2,000 years old. I didn 't want to believe in God, I tried to live as though I didn 't believe, if I didn 't believe in God, I could 'justify ' myself humanly speaking. Before a perfect God, I KNEW I had no excuse. I never could banish the reality of a creator from my mind. In my heart I always knew, He was real, and I was without …show more content…
Why did he talk about the 'blessing ' of pain? Really? How is you not being able to move a blessing? How can you still trust God after this? Why would God do this to you? God continued to break me, until I had nothing to stand for. I felt utterly worthless. That 's when Lamentations 3:22- 27 became the thing that gave me hope, to keep on living. "It is of the Lord 's mercies we are NOT consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are NEW every morning; great is thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion; saith my soul; therefore will I HOPE IN HIM. The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him. It is good that a man should hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth."
Lamentations is actually a rather depressing book, if we look at what is around this verse there is total chaos, Israel sinned, again. God had to punish them, again. No matter how may times they sinned and were punished, the LORD 'S mercies were not consumed.
I came to the conclusion, that its a really good thing God is God, and I 'm not, because if that were the case we 'd be in much deeper trouble.
Genesis 1:27 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female he created