Reflections On A Would–Be Twenty-Fifth Anniversary
The summer heat, oppressive and stifling shadowed our every move as we made our way into the church. What was I thinking getting married in mid-July? Beads of sweat gathering along my hairline merged, trickled down the sides of my face, dripping onto my neck. A recently acquired sinus infection, combined with the adrenaline surging through me, resulted in throbbing cheekbones and a short fuse … please, lets get this thing started!
My sister Judy has been welcoming guests at the guest book, my brother, Patrick, is ushering friends and loved ones to their seats, my sister, Angie, my bridesmaid, and my sister, Mary, my maid of honor, await their cue. Everyone is seated; the organist pauses, …show more content…
My two younger brothers, Bill and Patrick, are my only surviving siblings. All three of my sisters succumbed to cancer. Mary died in 2000, and Judy and Angie died in 2010. Judy actually died six years ago today. My two paternal aunts died in 2011 and 2012. My two maternal aunts died in 2008 and 2015, and my maternal uncle died in 2013. Ed’s father died in 2007, and he too, lost aunts and uncles. My two brothers, seven first cousins, and I are now the family elders. All the relatives of our parents’ generation have …show more content…
I would live a life without having to experience the loss of so many people I loved and adored – I don’t need, or want to be any stronger! Soul-numbing pain is not a prerequisite for compassion. How fabulous would it be for my kids to get birthday cards from their doting aunts or grandparents on their birthdays? Yes, I would still have the same kids – they were always a part of me. I would celebrate what was different about me, rather than be embarrassed by it. I would cultivate courage, and more courage. Courage to follow my curiosity and trust it would lead me in the right direction. I would set boundaries and stand up for myself. I would ask for help, and dedicate myself to making a difference in the world (maybe I still can). I wouldn’t procrastinate!!
Naturally, hindsight is 20/20; we only recognize our mistakes after we’ve made them – if we’re lucky. Ultimately, I am where I am. The decision I made 25 years ago to marry Ed, was the right one at the time; there’s a positive and negative to every situation. In myriad ways I am extremely grateful for my previous life. With insight and introspection accumulated over those 25 years, I am now capable of making new, life-affirming choices, to carry me forward into the next quarter century. Now I’m looking forward to my would-be 50th
The summer heat, oppressive and stifling shadowed our every move as we made our way into the church. What was I thinking getting married in mid-July? Beads of sweat gathering along my hairline merged, trickled down the sides of my face, dripping onto my neck. A recently acquired sinus infection, combined with the adrenaline surging through me, resulted in throbbing cheekbones and a short fuse … please, lets get this thing started!
My sister Judy has been welcoming guests at the guest book, my brother, Patrick, is ushering friends and loved ones to their seats, my sister, Angie, my bridesmaid, and my sister, Mary, my maid of honor, await their cue. Everyone is seated; the organist pauses, …show more content…
My two younger brothers, Bill and Patrick, are my only surviving siblings. All three of my sisters succumbed to cancer. Mary died in 2000, and Judy and Angie died in 2010. Judy actually died six years ago today. My two paternal aunts died in 2011 and 2012. My two maternal aunts died in 2008 and 2015, and my maternal uncle died in 2013. Ed’s father died in 2007, and he too, lost aunts and uncles. My two brothers, seven first cousins, and I are now the family elders. All the relatives of our parents’ generation have …show more content…
I would live a life without having to experience the loss of so many people I loved and adored – I don’t need, or want to be any stronger! Soul-numbing pain is not a prerequisite for compassion. How fabulous would it be for my kids to get birthday cards from their doting aunts or grandparents on their birthdays? Yes, I would still have the same kids – they were always a part of me. I would celebrate what was different about me, rather than be embarrassed by it. I would cultivate courage, and more courage. Courage to follow my curiosity and trust it would lead me in the right direction. I would set boundaries and stand up for myself. I would ask for help, and dedicate myself to making a difference in the world (maybe I still can). I wouldn’t procrastinate!!
Naturally, hindsight is 20/20; we only recognize our mistakes after we’ve made them – if we’re lucky. Ultimately, I am where I am. The decision I made 25 years ago to marry Ed, was the right one at the time; there’s a positive and negative to every situation. In myriad ways I am extremely grateful for my previous life. With insight and introspection accumulated over those 25 years, I am now capable of making new, life-affirming choices, to carry me forward into the next quarter century. Now I’m looking forward to my would-be 50th