S2, L2-3 - The wording strikes me as a little awkward here. Consider restructuring the second part of the phrase so that it reads “hands that bite” or maybe “hands, they bite”. I feel as though my making “bite” a present tense verb, the flow of the poem sounds better, but it's all up to you!
S3, L1 - I adore this line. Poseidon’s omnipotence is conveyed flawlessly through your diction. It paints humans as dolls under his force, and your word choice of 'soda caps' brings the poem back to the 'saltwater' reference of its first line.
S3, L3 - This is a stunning touch! Ending with sea (which leads into the description of Poseidon’s teeth in the next line) subtly references his title as ‘God of the Sea’.
S3, L4 - In my opinion, to better express …show more content…
I wonder if this line would better be placed as the first line of the fourth stanza as it seems to better flow into that picture.
S5, L1 - I would recommend changing "press" to "pressing" so that the present tense is maintained in this line, as it is in the rest of the poem.
Your choice of Poseidon and Medusa as the two main “characters” of the poem struck me as unique, and I wondered how you would develop a relationship between the two. However, my fears were quickly alleviated by your stunning language and beautiful imagery.
I especially enjoyed the third stanza where Medusa-typified as a destroyer-was putting back together the bodies that Poseidon had destroyed, as well as piecing her own fingers back together. It allowed for the concept introduced in the second stanza to be brought ‘full circle’’ and wrapped up. The subtlety of the drowning in the fourth stanza also struck me as particularly stunning-you have a really great grasp of language!
In terms of corrections: the references to Poseidon-when both subtle and obvious-were all great in crafting his character, and I would have liked to have seen more on the side of Medusa’s character. Perhaps some references to mythology surrounding Medusa would be able to have this
S3, L1 - I adore this line. Poseidon’s omnipotence is conveyed flawlessly through your diction. It paints humans as dolls under his force, and your word choice of 'soda caps' brings the poem back to the 'saltwater' reference of its first line.
S3, L3 - This is a stunning touch! Ending with sea (which leads into the description of Poseidon’s teeth in the next line) subtly references his title as ‘God of the Sea’.
S3, L4 - In my opinion, to better express …show more content…
I wonder if this line would better be placed as the first line of the fourth stanza as it seems to better flow into that picture.
S5, L1 - I would recommend changing "press" to "pressing" so that the present tense is maintained in this line, as it is in the rest of the poem.
Your choice of Poseidon and Medusa as the two main “characters” of the poem struck me as unique, and I wondered how you would develop a relationship between the two. However, my fears were quickly alleviated by your stunning language and beautiful imagery.
I especially enjoyed the third stanza where Medusa-typified as a destroyer-was putting back together the bodies that Poseidon had destroyed, as well as piecing her own fingers back together. It allowed for the concept introduced in the second stanza to be brought ‘full circle’’ and wrapped up. The subtlety of the drowning in the fourth stanza also struck me as particularly stunning-you have a really great grasp of language!
In terms of corrections: the references to Poseidon-when both subtle and obvious-were all great in crafting his character, and I would have liked to have seen more on the side of Medusa’s character. Perhaps some references to mythology surrounding Medusa would be able to have this