He saw the class/race struggle in the world around him but could not figure out, for years, what side of it he wanted to stand on and who he wanted to be. He admits that he was at one point ashamed to be descended from ex-slaves but recognizes that he was wrong in being shamed (Ellison 355). The narrator knows where he comes from and sees the injustice surrounding him, but has been raised by people who were afraid to step out of line with the white folk. This is why he was willing to present the version of himself which would be acceptable and desirable to the white folks of his community. Without fully understanding the intent of his grandfather’s words, the narrator found himself “carrying out his advice in spite of [himself]” (Ellison 356). Even as he lived his life being “praised by the most lily-white men of the town” as what was “considered an example of desirable conduct”, he dealt with a daily guilt over what his grandfather had dubbed “treachery” (Ellison 356). Outwardly, his good behavior in the eyes of the white men was a betrayal of the Black people in his community; meanwhile, his underlying desire to “Live with [his] head in the lion’s mouth,” as his grandfather asked that he do, betrayed the white men who exulted him as an exemplary Black citizen (Ellison 355). His inability to determine which side he falls on is …show more content…
Ellison’s influence as writer is felt through the deft understandings of these different approaches to racial inequality. His experiences with different leaders, both though their work and personally, work their way into the story in ways that showcase the nuances of the problem and the various proposed solutions, even if the story hints at the notion that aiming for equality is the right choice for the narrator (Deutsch). The narrator indicates that his struggle with the way he handled and viewed his life did not go away from the beginning of the story on, claiming, “It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself” (Ellison 355). While the narrator’s story is largely about him coming to terms with who he is and not allowing himself to be tossed around by the domineering white, rich folk, even this statement highlights the tumultuous path that African-Americans journeyed on in order to gain recognition and respect for being exactly who they are: valuable, honorable, vital members of American