Forgiveness Among Couples

Everyone is different, which makes it difficult to know what other people think, want, or feel. In some cases, this inability can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. But how do we know when to forgive, forget, or just move on? This all depends on three things: the people involved, who caused the pain, and what type of transgression occurred. Psychologist Bella DePaulo of the University of Virginia found that “eighty-five percent of college student couples have lied to each other about past or recent indiscretions”. She also discovered that “dating couples lie to each other in about a third of their interactions—perhaps even more often than they deceive other people” (Kornet 53). A research study examining forgiveness found that commitment, trust, and relational satisfaction were all significantly related to forgiveness among couples. “The process of forgiving someone involves process involves intrapersonally coming to terms with one’s emotional state after a transgression in order to move on …show more content…
The statement alone does not constitute forgiveness, but rather starts a process for it. The process to forgive someone takes time, which allows couples to address their emotions and concerns before making commitments about the eventual fate of the relationship. According to the Canadian Journal of Behavioral Science:
This creates particular challenges in a relationship. Although the words “I forgive you” may signal the beginning of a process for the speaker (of trying to forgive the transgression), they tend to be seen as the end of the matter by the offending partner who is likely to be only too willing to put the transgression in the past and act as if it never happened. The offending partner may therefore be puzzled, annoyed, or angry when incompletely resolved feelings of resentment about the harm-doing intrude on subsequent discourse or behavior in the