Why, in the end does suicide seem like a losing battle? Why is it so hard to see the destruction it leaves behind and the hurt along with it? For many nights I asked myself this question, shortly after my Grandpa (Adoptive Dad) Ed ended his life in suicide. It was very hard to overcome and sometimes I didn’t think I could come out of it. Suicide doesn’t just affect you personally, it also makes your life very different. I learned that very thing growing up these last five and half years without Ed. It’s very difficult to deal with death as child, especially at the age of twelve. But, through the years I’ve learned to deal with it and press on in life knowing I’ll see him again. Growing up with Ed was extremely difficult for me because seeing
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Although the doctors declared him cancer free a week before he died his health had weakened and all the life had drained out of him of fighting each and every day, trying to overcome an uphill battle that seem to never get far in the end. He left a week before he died and I never saw him again or heard what happened to him until a week later when the police came by to tell my Mom & I that Ed had committed suicide along a rest stop in Iowa. Right then and there I felt has if a whole part of my heart and soul had been ripped to pieces. It was heartbreaking and devastating. I didn’t even know if I could overcome it, but at his funeral I kept hearing a voice inside my head that said everything will be okay. The voice continued to play in my head throughout the next couple of weeks and I thought it to be a sign from Ed saying he was okay. I finally overcame and came to grips with his death. I’ve learned to forgive him and move on. On another note though, one positive thing did come out of this suicide. I became a stronger person and knowing that I did the absolute best way I could to take care of him gave me a peace that not most others get when their loved one commit’s suicide. Throughout this whole experience the one thing I shall never forget is that no matter what happened, I knew Ed always loved me no matter what and I loved him no matter what. That gives me a will to go on in life so that when my time comes to die I will see him
Although the doctors declared him cancer free a week before he died his health had weakened and all the life had drained out of him of fighting each and every day, trying to overcome an uphill battle that seem to never get far in the end. He left a week before he died and I never saw him again or heard what happened to him until a week later when the police came by to tell my Mom & I that Ed had committed suicide along a rest stop in Iowa. Right then and there I felt has if a whole part of my heart and soul had been ripped to pieces. It was heartbreaking and devastating. I didn’t even know if I could overcome it, but at his funeral I kept hearing a voice inside my head that said everything will be okay. The voice continued to play in my head throughout the next couple of weeks and I thought it to be a sign from Ed saying he was okay. I finally overcame and came to grips with his death. I’ve learned to forgive him and move on. On another note though, one positive thing did come out of this suicide. I became a stronger person and knowing that I did the absolute best way I could to take care of him gave me a peace that not most others get when their loved one commit’s suicide. Throughout this whole experience the one thing I shall never forget is that no matter what happened, I knew Ed always loved me no matter what and I loved him no matter what. That gives me a will to go on in life so that when my time comes to die I will see him