It 's 2:39 in the morning and I can 't sleep. I finished an episode of Girls about an hour ago and it brought to the surface some things that I usually manage to keep sitting below. It sounds stupid, I know, it 's a TV show, but fuck, when things hit you, they hit you. The show triggered a lot of difficult feelings for me, one of them being my hatred for my body. My body, that 's something I don 't ever talk about here.
You know it 's funny, we do everything we can to present this image of perfection to one another. But here I go, talking about how imperfect I actually feel. Some mornings I look in the mirror and I feel disgusted with myself. I hate what I see. I 've gained 15 pounds in the past year and I agonize over it. What I wouldn 't give to have my old body back. And here 's the really sad thing, when I was 15 pounds lighter, all I could think was how much I needed to lose 10 pounds.
I 've been reading this book lately, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown, and there 's a segment that really got me. She talks about loving yourself – loving yourself now. That that doesn 't mean you can finally love yourself once you 've lost 10 pounds. It means now, now. Too bad if you 're not perfect yet. God that woke me up. That …show more content…
First off, I need to stop obsessing about numbers. I need to leave the scale alone because that doesn 't realistically reflect how happy or healthy I am. Secondly, I need to stop using food and a punishment or a reward system. Healthy eating should be about health. And third, I need to find joy in self improvement. Going to the gym has a tendency to be perfection-focused for me. That doesn 't mean I need to stop going to the gym altogether, but I do need to change my self-talk when I 'm there. I also tend to enjoy myself more when I 'm doing dance class or playing badminton for example. I find that way I 'm getting healthy and having fun without concentrating on my body
You know it 's funny, we do everything we can to present this image of perfection to one another. But here I go, talking about how imperfect I actually feel. Some mornings I look in the mirror and I feel disgusted with myself. I hate what I see. I 've gained 15 pounds in the past year and I agonize over it. What I wouldn 't give to have my old body back. And here 's the really sad thing, when I was 15 pounds lighter, all I could think was how much I needed to lose 10 pounds.
I 've been reading this book lately, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown, and there 's a segment that really got me. She talks about loving yourself – loving yourself now. That that doesn 't mean you can finally love yourself once you 've lost 10 pounds. It means now, now. Too bad if you 're not perfect yet. God that woke me up. That …show more content…
First off, I need to stop obsessing about numbers. I need to leave the scale alone because that doesn 't realistically reflect how happy or healthy I am. Secondly, I need to stop using food and a punishment or a reward system. Healthy eating should be about health. And third, I need to find joy in self improvement. Going to the gym has a tendency to be perfection-focused for me. That doesn 't mean I need to stop going to the gym altogether, but I do need to change my self-talk when I 'm there. I also tend to enjoy myself more when I 'm doing dance class or playing badminton for example. I find that way I 'm getting healthy and having fun without concentrating on my body