The personal story that this discussion of integration brings to mind is my own struggle with depression, despite Christian aid. In the spring of 2001, I circled the parking lot of the Lynchburg mall, knowing that I had schoolwork to do, but utterly lacking the focus and stamina to return to it. Overwhelmed, I found myself contemplating whether it would be possible to drive my car off the ridge at the edge of the parking lot without killing myself or injuring anyone else. I desperately needed rest, and a hospital visit was the only way that I thought I could get it. How did a young woman with a strong Christian worldview get to that point? Throughout my life, I had repeatedly dedicated my life to the Lord, faithfully praying, studying the
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Youth group messages told me that when I contemplated suicide, it was the most selfish thing that a person could do, and that God would be disappointed that one of his children would throw away the life he gave her. Then, when I was diagnosed with ADHD, I faced a new struggle as I discovered that I needed to hide this fact from many of my Liberty University schoolmates. As one fellow student told me, “There’s no such thing as ADD. You have a discipline problem, and you need to fast, pray, and surrender it to God.” As I neared the end of my bachelor’s program, my pain was increased by a convocation message that emphasized, “You don’t have a depression problem, you have a faith problem. You need to rely on God more.” This statement and all the messages prior to it piled up like bricks in my emotional backpack, weighing me down in a perpetual feeling of guilt and inadequacy. I felt like I was drowning, and there was a crowd of people on the poolside shouting, “You can do it! You’re almost there! Just trust God!” This was my state when driving that ridge; I was out of strength, and wished someone would just reach in and hold me above
Youth group messages told me that when I contemplated suicide, it was the most selfish thing that a person could do, and that God would be disappointed that one of his children would throw away the life he gave her. Then, when I was diagnosed with ADHD, I faced a new struggle as I discovered that I needed to hide this fact from many of my Liberty University schoolmates. As one fellow student told me, “There’s no such thing as ADD. You have a discipline problem, and you need to fast, pray, and surrender it to God.” As I neared the end of my bachelor’s program, my pain was increased by a convocation message that emphasized, “You don’t have a depression problem, you have a faith problem. You need to rely on God more.” This statement and all the messages prior to it piled up like bricks in my emotional backpack, weighing me down in a perpetual feeling of guilt and inadequacy. I felt like I was drowning, and there was a crowd of people on the poolside shouting, “You can do it! You’re almost there! Just trust God!” This was my state when driving that ridge; I was out of strength, and wished someone would just reach in and hold me above