Personal Reflection On Education And Social Class

776 Words 4 Pages
Education and social class was something that just clicked in my head when I heard of the two concepts a few years ago. Now in college when I revisit these themes of life and read the articles about them in the book I can look at it in another way. In my first M1 essay I learned a lot of things about myself, mostly how I need to improve. In the first essay I learned that I need to improve my into paragraph a lot. It didn’t not even have a good hook, something to grab the reader’s attention. After the hook I had no transaction from the hook to my thesis, I started off about social class and just went right to my thesis. Reading my thesis, I learned that I need to improve on it because my thesis is a start but was not where is had to be. I only …show more content…
Overall my into paragraph needs to have a better hook, something more broad and transaction that broad topic to a more specific thesis. As I move through my body paragraphs I see that I did not include as much support as I needed to. For example, paragraphs two, four and five doesn’t have any support. It just has my point I made and nothing from the authors to back me up. I also need to add more detail in my paragraphs. In my sixth paragraph I talk about education being a big part of each social class but I never talk about why it is and how it really effects the people. I also saw that I need to restate my thesis better in the conclusion and get a better “so what” sentence in the conclusion. A big local concern is that I need to re-read my work to check grammar and …show more content…
I learned the mistakes that I made in the last essay and I fixed them and applied them to this essay. I started off with a good hook and gave that a smooth transition to my theses. In my thesis I included all questions asked to me while still not confusing the reader. I told the reader clearly what my essay is going to be about. I also fixed the problem I had with not giving support from other authors to back up my point. Each of my points has a quote and explaining how that authors is helping me. One significant revision that I need to make is I need to move my quote up my paragraph more so the reader can read that first and then agree faster. I also need to combine my second to last paragraph with my conclusion. I need to do this because I am just repeating myself over in two paragraphs and almost having two conclusion paragraphs. Some problems that I am running into right now is answering one of the parts of the question. It is asking how the two aspects of identity impact each other. I am having problems explain how they do and giving good example to prove my point. If I really do not understand this part I was planning on going to the writing center and getting help till I think it is perfect. Another problem I am facing in this draft is adding more content without repeating myself. To fix this I need to really answer all parts of the questions and try to give as much support as I can and

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