Why Blame is Your Fault When I was in tenth grade, I was cut from my school’s soccer team. It shocked and upset me. The coach spoke to each of us individually so that those who did not make it would not feel embarrassed. The trek to the car was one of the longest 50 meters I have ever walked. Telling my friends the results of the tryout was even less rewarding.
I had every reason to believe I would make the team. I had played for the freshman soccer team the year before. I was one of the team’s leading goalscorers ; I hat-tricked our rival school in an important match. My teammates loved me; I had good form; I was a team player. I trained hard, worked hard, and sweated hard on the field and in the gym for the next year. I went into the tryout with my head held high …show more content…
The establishment, the system, the perpetrators of my agonizing defeat. Could I have offended them somehow? Could they dislike me for some unknown reason? Interestingly enough, I never once thought that perhaps I wasn’t a strong enough player. My mind latched onto the only idea that it could: that the coaches were biased against me. The system was rigged. That was the only logical explanation to me. In Coddling of the American Mind, Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt explain cognitive distortions in their discussion of cognitive behavioral therapy as a source of mental treatment. Of particular interest is the ninth item in their list of common cognitive discussions, namely blaming: “...focusing on the other person as the source of your negative feelings, and refusing to take responsibility for changing yourself.” My failure to take responsibility is exactly what Lukianoff and Haidt wrote about. I was certain that the coaches were set against me. I was convinced that they had formed an initial opinion of me and stuck with it, and wouldn’t change their minds no matter how well I played. I thought I played well, and shouldn’t have been
I had every reason to believe I would make the team. I had played for the freshman soccer team the year before. I was one of the team’s leading goalscorers ; I hat-tricked our rival school in an important match. My teammates loved me; I had good form; I was a team player. I trained hard, worked hard, and sweated hard on the field and in the gym for the next year. I went into the tryout with my head held high …show more content…
The establishment, the system, the perpetrators of my agonizing defeat. Could I have offended them somehow? Could they dislike me for some unknown reason? Interestingly enough, I never once thought that perhaps I wasn’t a strong enough player. My mind latched onto the only idea that it could: that the coaches were biased against me. The system was rigged. That was the only logical explanation to me. In Coddling of the American Mind, Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt explain cognitive distortions in their discussion of cognitive behavioral therapy as a source of mental treatment. Of particular interest is the ninth item in their list of common cognitive discussions, namely blaming: “...focusing on the other person as the source of your negative feelings, and refusing to take responsibility for changing yourself.” My failure to take responsibility is exactly what Lukianoff and Haidt wrote about. I was certain that the coaches were set against me. I was convinced that they had formed an initial opinion of me and stuck with it, and wouldn’t change their minds no matter how well I played. I thought I played well, and shouldn’t have been