Personal Narrative: The Parker Brothers And Stan Lee

I have them. You want them. The age old adage says, "if you don't use it, you'll lose it." Well, I don't really stroke my tits, pull on my nipples, or evoke Victoria's Secret power to create two magical mountains atop my ribcage. Nor have I ever squirted life giving milk from my tits into the mouth of my offspring or into the face of my unsuspecting partner. What, you have never thought about how enjoyable that ability would be? Think of all the fun you could have with your two loaded squirt guns. The Parker Brothers and Stan Lee would be so jealous.

So, I should start using my tits. With the plethora of options at my disposal, you would think that I would leap out of bed everyday excited to unleash my funbags from their otherwise, mundane