The Monster Okay, so you know how no one wants to get some holes ripped in their mouth because they can’t eat anything good except for like ice cream? And wisdom teeth in general just suck and fuck up your mouth by coming in like sideways and shit causing infections and overbite like a bulldog or whatever and just altogether wasting all that time and money and effort – not to mention all the endured humiliation from sneers like ‘brace-face’ – which the braces did to make your smile attractive? We have all seen those videos online where kids get taped by their parents saying the stupidest shit while under the influence of those narcotics after surgery. They say your inhibitions are loosened so much that your numb tongue spills all the family
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So anyway. I actually wanted to get the stupid surgery. Firstly, because I have this small part of me that wants to know what kind of person I am. I don’t smoke weed or drink or anything, so that can tell me what kind of person I am safely right? I can trust my family to watch me so I don’t run into traffic or anything. Secondly, and most definitely the most important reason, I am a senior in AP classes in high school. Little known fact, AP stands for not only ‘Advanced Placement’ but ‘Advanced Procrastination’ and my personal favorite ‘Applied Pressure’. I wrote an entire essay in my junior year about the pressure teenagers face. It was pretty great and so damn ironic that I stressed out about an essay about the stresses that teenaged kids faced. Damn, now I got ‘Under Pressure’ in my head. Deal with that for the rest of this memoir or …show more content…
Thanks for the support, bitch. The doctor comes in after making us wait a good 20 minutes where all we did is stare at my x-ray noticing that my sinuses are kinda blocked up and after I decided that the door design was definitely gonna trip me out when I left under all that medication. He was a Jewish looking guy, not really old, and his diplomas were fairly recent. Pity he wasn’t a hot doctor, but that just means I won’t molest him once they dope me up. The nurses were all very pretty, though. His name – the doctor – was Dr. Livingston. Looking back after he left the room I made the crack at ‘Dr. Livingstone I presume’ to my mother who didn’t get it. She doesn’t really read or know things. That was a golden opportunity wasted. If he was hot I would have said it definitely. But really, thank God he wasn’t because my mother embarrassed me again. I had been asking her if I could keep my teeth because those are the last teeth I will ever lose, and I said something along those lines about giving them to the tooth fairy. Mom told the doctor exactly that, that they were for the tooth fairy. He was real cool about it, though. He said most people wanted the teeth for jewelry, but that he’d try to get the teeth out in whole pieces rather than busting them up into shards. Livingston succeeded in getting them whole beautifully. Thanks, Doc. You’re a real
So anyway. I actually wanted to get the stupid surgery. Firstly, because I have this small part of me that wants to know what kind of person I am. I don’t smoke weed or drink or anything, so that can tell me what kind of person I am safely right? I can trust my family to watch me so I don’t run into traffic or anything. Secondly, and most definitely the most important reason, I am a senior in AP classes in high school. Little known fact, AP stands for not only ‘Advanced Placement’ but ‘Advanced Procrastination’ and my personal favorite ‘Applied Pressure’. I wrote an entire essay in my junior year about the pressure teenagers face. It was pretty great and so damn ironic that I stressed out about an essay about the stresses that teenaged kids faced. Damn, now I got ‘Under Pressure’ in my head. Deal with that for the rest of this memoir or …show more content…
Thanks for the support, bitch. The doctor comes in after making us wait a good 20 minutes where all we did is stare at my x-ray noticing that my sinuses are kinda blocked up and after I decided that the door design was definitely gonna trip me out when I left under all that medication. He was a Jewish looking guy, not really old, and his diplomas were fairly recent. Pity he wasn’t a hot doctor, but that just means I won’t molest him once they dope me up. The nurses were all very pretty, though. His name – the doctor – was Dr. Livingston. Looking back after he left the room I made the crack at ‘Dr. Livingstone I presume’ to my mother who didn’t get it. She doesn’t really read or know things. That was a golden opportunity wasted. If he was hot I would have said it definitely. But really, thank God he wasn’t because my mother embarrassed me again. I had been asking her if I could keep my teeth because those are the last teeth I will ever lose, and I said something along those lines about giving them to the tooth fairy. Mom told the doctor exactly that, that they were for the tooth fairy. He was real cool about it, though. He said most people wanted the teeth for jewelry, but that he’d try to get the teeth out in whole pieces rather than busting them up into shards. Livingston succeeded in getting them whole beautifully. Thanks, Doc. You’re a real