MONSTER WIVES
Listen. I wish I could tell you I wasn’t drunk off my ass at twenty-one, but I don’t remember most of being twenty-one. Apparently, I got a DUI while I was working, “working” for some pizza place and the internet ran with my mugshot being slapped on a damn Buzzfeed listicle seven years later. Oh, I’m not supposed to use profane language? Don’t care, this is my video.
Full cards on the table, I really have no idea what I did. Look, I can’t tell you what my address was back then. And that doesn’t bother me. What does bother me is the idea that my life before I became a super-hero is any of your business. Take the ‘you’ to mean you watching, you as in Buzzfeed, whatever you want. Maybe I only get flashes of twenty-one, but I know …show more content…
In a week, a T’srin—yes, the ones best known for being six-armed, gray rage monsters and the universe’s most shortsighted eugenicists—ship would drop me off as close as they could get to a black hole and I’d get the rest of the way there myself. In the testing stages, I simulated some for them, but they were insistent: they wanted to see the readings from a naturally-occurring intense gravitational field. I don’t blame them. We threw a party when we got all the way to Moonrise without the funding getting pulled out from under us. Every scientist on the project, all fifty-eight of them, was going to be listed on a Nobel Prize and I was going to be in the history books as the first, maybe even only person to give live, coherent visual data from inside of a black hole. We were going to be nerd heroes. We were going to make Newton look like a fourth-grader.
Well, it’d be great to say it was our hubris that royally fucked us over, but that’d be a lie. Here’s where the other branches of the US government come in. Wow, this is like the second time in two months someone’s called out the government. That’s…not good. Also not really my problem, considering. Anyhow, five days before we’re set to leave for deep space, it’s the last day I can have normal food before an all-liquid diet. I decide to go down to Level 8 where most of the restaurants …show more content…
This woman was limping down the stairs. Her left forearm hung from her upper arm by a thin piece of muscle and her clothes were in shreds, burns everywhere, a chunk of her hair was gone. I think I thought something like ‘Shit, a containment leak. We’re all gonna be sucked out into space and die.’ No-one came after her. No-one stepped forward. More people started staring at her until some humans snapped pictures, then a couple of Veerdin broke out their recorders. We were all too far away to see she wasn’t breathing. Whispering started. If I remember this right, someone yelled in Spanish that it was a bad joke or ad. Then black goo shot out of her upper arm and pulled the two pieces back together. Anywhere her skin was burned knitted back together. There was another scream. That’s when the panic happened. The aliens knew something was wrong, but there was mostly just confusion. Humans, though, there was screaming about zombies or terrorists and the majority of us ran like
Listen. I wish I could tell you I wasn’t drunk off my ass at twenty-one, but I don’t remember most of being twenty-one. Apparently, I got a DUI while I was working, “working” for some pizza place and the internet ran with my mugshot being slapped on a damn Buzzfeed listicle seven years later. Oh, I’m not supposed to use profane language? Don’t care, this is my video.
Full cards on the table, I really have no idea what I did. Look, I can’t tell you what my address was back then. And that doesn’t bother me. What does bother me is the idea that my life before I became a super-hero is any of your business. Take the ‘you’ to mean you watching, you as in Buzzfeed, whatever you want. Maybe I only get flashes of twenty-one, but I know …show more content…
In a week, a T’srin—yes, the ones best known for being six-armed, gray rage monsters and the universe’s most shortsighted eugenicists—ship would drop me off as close as they could get to a black hole and I’d get the rest of the way there myself. In the testing stages, I simulated some for them, but they were insistent: they wanted to see the readings from a naturally-occurring intense gravitational field. I don’t blame them. We threw a party when we got all the way to Moonrise without the funding getting pulled out from under us. Every scientist on the project, all fifty-eight of them, was going to be listed on a Nobel Prize and I was going to be in the history books as the first, maybe even only person to give live, coherent visual data from inside of a black hole. We were going to be nerd heroes. We were going to make Newton look like a fourth-grader.
Well, it’d be great to say it was our hubris that royally fucked us over, but that’d be a lie. Here’s where the other branches of the US government come in. Wow, this is like the second time in two months someone’s called out the government. That’s…not good. Also not really my problem, considering. Anyhow, five days before we’re set to leave for deep space, it’s the last day I can have normal food before an all-liquid diet. I decide to go down to Level 8 where most of the restaurants …show more content…
This woman was limping down the stairs. Her left forearm hung from her upper arm by a thin piece of muscle and her clothes were in shreds, burns everywhere, a chunk of her hair was gone. I think I thought something like ‘Shit, a containment leak. We’re all gonna be sucked out into space and die.’ No-one came after her. No-one stepped forward. More people started staring at her until some humans snapped pictures, then a couple of Veerdin broke out their recorders. We were all too far away to see she wasn’t breathing. Whispering started. If I remember this right, someone yelled in Spanish that it was a bad joke or ad. Then black goo shot out of her upper arm and pulled the two pieces back together. Anywhere her skin was burned knitted back together. There was another scream. That’s when the panic happened. The aliens knew something was wrong, but there was mostly just confusion. Humans, though, there was screaming about zombies or terrorists and the majority of us ran like