My transformation - Sunshine state
Move to Florida I welcomed with yet other set of opinions. This time however I could loudly express them with whomever crossed my path. While finishing my affairs In Toronto, I was saying goodbye to familiarity, safety, people and places. Cherishing memories, I packed up my life again to a big 18 wheeler with an allotted compartment to set “my home” on the journey through the continent.
I think there is an enormous difference between having a choice vs following somebody’s choice. Despite the obvious benefits of the relocation to Team Jamroz – career advancement, access to new possibilities, my personal world got revolutionized over and turmoil set in. Feeling of violation showed up as I felt I had no saying in what was important to me and only me and triggered a series of clues life started subtly deliver to me. The familiar feeling of missing home settled for good and made me question and investigate where my home was?”
For long, I wrestled with the concept of being far away from Poland, far away from pigeon hole that in some way was giving me a perception of belonging. One place, same four walls, mundane tasks and “comforting” mindsets as a guarantee of security and predictability. Absolutely not needing to make any effort to change anything. Living in the prescribed set of options. Then, I remember feeling of instant connection to variety of cultures I got exposed to while in Canada. I greeted diversity. Being an alien and being surrounded by alien’s awaken something. It stimulated senses and made me reaffirm not to take anything for granted. Looking at things with new eyes and seeing the notion of home and its new meaning. “Home is not just a place where you happen to be born. It’s a place where you become yourself.” Where your heart beats in own beat, where your soul truly belongs. Seven years later I found a place which earned “home” status. Pleasant and snugly sensation after years of feeling “homeless”. Move to Sunshine state, put on my radar quest for home again. …show more content…
I remember the exact very first impression upon arrival to Florida, which never went away. There was something undeclared in the air, mixed with humid and unbearable heat. Perhaps my instincts were working overtime already. Possibly, I was sensing upcoming changes. In all of that, I found myself in a lethargy, as I was trying to reconcile how the next days, weeks or months will look like for me. Trying to take advantage of the “gift” I received of becoming, at least for now, a stay home wife. Unpacking the house form boxes in hope it will become my home. Finding my ways around. Missing the energy of the big city along with accessibility to what I have become use to. Questioning. Feeling uninspired. Running on “cruise control” so you might thing you are assimilating. I was recognizing the overwhelming grip of the well know apathy. Place with no motion and God’s waiting room, sucking the energy one breath at the time. Strong feelings started showing up as I was being volunteered to be someone that I was purely not. To participate in pretentious and artificial conversations. To establish relationship with people I had nothing in common and fundamentally disagreed with. To relate and to engage. To pretend I am one of them. The dreading feeling ever so present, each time I was betraying myself. I refuse to
Move to Florida I welcomed with yet other set of opinions. This time however I could loudly express them with whomever crossed my path. While finishing my affairs In Toronto, I was saying goodbye to familiarity, safety, people and places. Cherishing memories, I packed up my life again to a big 18 wheeler with an allotted compartment to set “my home” on the journey through the continent.
I think there is an enormous difference between having a choice vs following somebody’s choice. Despite the obvious benefits of the relocation to Team Jamroz – career advancement, access to new possibilities, my personal world got revolutionized over and turmoil set in. Feeling of violation showed up as I felt I had no saying in what was important to me and only me and triggered a series of clues life started subtly deliver to me. The familiar feeling of missing home settled for good and made me question and investigate where my home was?”
For long, I wrestled with the concept of being far away from Poland, far away from pigeon hole that in some way was giving me a perception of belonging. One place, same four walls, mundane tasks and “comforting” mindsets as a guarantee of security and predictability. Absolutely not needing to make any effort to change anything. Living in the prescribed set of options. Then, I remember feeling of instant connection to variety of cultures I got exposed to while in Canada. I greeted diversity. Being an alien and being surrounded by alien’s awaken something. It stimulated senses and made me reaffirm not to take anything for granted. Looking at things with new eyes and seeing the notion of home and its new meaning. “Home is not just a place where you happen to be born. It’s a place where you become yourself.” Where your heart beats in own beat, where your soul truly belongs. Seven years later I found a place which earned “home” status. Pleasant and snugly sensation after years of feeling “homeless”. Move to Sunshine state, put on my radar quest for home again. …show more content…
I remember the exact very first impression upon arrival to Florida, which never went away. There was something undeclared in the air, mixed with humid and unbearable heat. Perhaps my instincts were working overtime already. Possibly, I was sensing upcoming changes. In all of that, I found myself in a lethargy, as I was trying to reconcile how the next days, weeks or months will look like for me. Trying to take advantage of the “gift” I received of becoming, at least for now, a stay home wife. Unpacking the house form boxes in hope it will become my home. Finding my ways around. Missing the energy of the big city along with accessibility to what I have become use to. Questioning. Feeling uninspired. Running on “cruise control” so you might thing you are assimilating. I was recognizing the overwhelming grip of the well know apathy. Place with no motion and God’s waiting room, sucking the energy one breath at the time. Strong feelings started showing up as I was being volunteered to be someone that I was purely not. To participate in pretentious and artificial conversations. To establish relationship with people I had nothing in common and fundamentally disagreed with. To relate and to engage. To pretend I am one of them. The dreading feeling ever so present, each time I was betraying myself. I refuse to