I was in the garden again. The damp soil running through my fingers. The water soaking through the knees of my jeans. I weeded around my beans, feeling the dirt under my fingernails and in the creases of my palms. My first few days here I just watched, unsure of the unspoken rules that hovered over the garden. Then, one day, I walked over to a girl. She was almost my age and tended to 2 rows of lima beans. I don’t know if it was the way not only she but her plants seemed to tremble in the wind on cold days or her diligence in keeping those plants alive or even the innocence in her pale green lima bean sprouts, but something about that girl, something about her plants made me trust her. Trust that she wouldn’t laugh if broke the unspoken rules.
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The accident. I wasn’t supposed to be driving. Cars are very rare in Guatemala, and very expensive and the fact that we had a car was probably impressive enough. But I wasn't taking any chances with this girl. It being my first time driving, I did okay. Got out of the make shift garage and down the street alright. After that I drove slow, without the aid of headlights, trying not to get caught. I got to her house and parked the car. Tapped against the wall until she came out and then we sat and talked, and talked until she started to shiver in the cold. She crept back inside and I got back in the car and started to drive home, glowing inside. I don’t remember what happened after that. They told me I ran someone over. They had chosen not to press charges even though the he had died. And as I laid in the hospital I thought. I ran over a five year old kid. He had never known what it felt like to like someone so much you were willing to break all the rules just to see them. He had never known the glow you get from it. He had never known and probably never will know and so he would never understand why he had died. He had snuck out just like me. But he, unlike me, had died. After that I ran. Always on the road, at least until Mrs. Evans took me in. It doesn't hurt as much now. That gap in my heart that makes me feel like a monster. It’s filling with an understanding that the parents of that kid I ran …show more content…
She grudgingly gave me a small spot of land next to hers and showed me how to plant her extra beans. I came back everyday that summer. Kim told me about her past and I told her about mine. And as our gardens grew together so did we. She was the first person I went to when I just couldn’t stop thinking about that night because she understood that I just wanted someone to listen to me. That I just wanted someone to sit next to me in the dirt because I wasn’t strong enough to face my nightmares on my own. She understood what I felt every time I thought about that boy. She understood me.
I was in the garden again. The damp soil running through my fingers. The water soaking through the knees of my jeans. I weeded around my beans, feeling the dirt under my fingernails and in the creases of my palms. Remembering my first few months here, and keeping our beans alive while Kim's away at school because without her I wouldn't be able to go back to asleep when I wake in the depths of my
The accident. I wasn’t supposed to be driving. Cars are very rare in Guatemala, and very expensive and the fact that we had a car was probably impressive enough. But I wasn't taking any chances with this girl. It being my first time driving, I did okay. Got out of the make shift garage and down the street alright. After that I drove slow, without the aid of headlights, trying not to get caught. I got to her house and parked the car. Tapped against the wall until she came out and then we sat and talked, and talked until she started to shiver in the cold. She crept back inside and I got back in the car and started to drive home, glowing inside. I don’t remember what happened after that. They told me I ran someone over. They had chosen not to press charges even though the he had died. And as I laid in the hospital I thought. I ran over a five year old kid. He had never known what it felt like to like someone so much you were willing to break all the rules just to see them. He had never known the glow you get from it. He had never known and probably never will know and so he would never understand why he had died. He had snuck out just like me. But he, unlike me, had died. After that I ran. Always on the road, at least until Mrs. Evans took me in. It doesn't hurt as much now. That gap in my heart that makes me feel like a monster. It’s filling with an understanding that the parents of that kid I ran …show more content…
She grudgingly gave me a small spot of land next to hers and showed me how to plant her extra beans. I came back everyday that summer. Kim told me about her past and I told her about mine. And as our gardens grew together so did we. She was the first person I went to when I just couldn’t stop thinking about that night because she understood that I just wanted someone to listen to me. That I just wanted someone to sit next to me in the dirt because I wasn’t strong enough to face my nightmares on my own. She understood what I felt every time I thought about that boy. She understood me.
I was in the garden again. The damp soil running through my fingers. The water soaking through the knees of my jeans. I weeded around my beans, feeling the dirt under my fingernails and in the creases of my palms. Remembering my first few months here, and keeping our beans alive while Kim's away at school because without her I wouldn't be able to go back to asleep when I wake in the depths of my