Having
Having
BRUDER.SESSION1.JOURNAL The transformation for me was becoming sober. I have been clean from drugs and alcohol since March 13, 1997. I moved back home with my parents and started to help them with their daily life as they were helping me to start a new and sober life. I hadn’t seen my parents in 20 years and realized that if there was ever going to be a time for us to mend fences and grow now was the time.…
I don't really know how to start this. It makes me kind of anxious knowing that I’m writing a personal letter to someone I know, yet I don’t know at the same time. Anxious. It makes me anxious. That what I struggle with.…
I’ve suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder since the age of six. I experienced a traumatic event for an extensive period of time and was left with difficulties socializing and expressing my feelings. I have taken a variety of medications and have spent hundreds of hours with therapists. In middle school, I moved districts and and transferred to a school where I was severely bullied. When I began high school the stress of a new school, the bullying, and dealing with severe depression and anxiety lead me to attempt suicide.…
I awake to a narrow beam of sunlight that penetrates the closed shades of the window in my dorm room. It lets me know it is late in the morning if not already afternoon, but the time means little to me. I am still unable to vocalize this feeling I awake with so often. I know only that the prospect of getting out of bed feels insurmountable. I roll under my covers for a few more minutes of sleep, but when I look at the clock again, hours have passed.…
Imagine being in 6th grade, and having someone come to talk to your entire sixth grade student body about middle school sports. During a question and answer session I asked if it was possible to run cross country and play basketball, and in a loud voice that went across the gym, a kid said “Why ask you’re too fat to play sports” and the whole gym burst into laughter. This is how my introduction to middle school officially began. As one could imagine the pain and humiliation that went along with my torture, but because I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder my problems were exemplified. I spent the next few weeks listening to everyone talk about me, repeat the story and laugh.…
In conclusion, my anxiety has changed everything about me. Up until the time I started to have these attacks I was less stressed and more carefree. It has caused me to grow up faster than what some people have too. It has made me more mature and more concerned. But, it has also made me realize that I shouldn't take everything so…
Anxiety, a word that makes me cringe and over think my thoughts to the top of my head. Trouble breathing, trouble talking, trouble focusing, and trouble thinking. How is it possible that throughout my life, I had no idea what I had till my junior year, on October 2015. As I was on my way back to Washington, DC from New York, I had an immediate anxiety attack. Forgetting how to breathe correctly and fidgeting massively, I remember hearing cries of helps from others and seeing a paper bag being placed over my mouth.…
I try to go out with friends more instead of staying home, and I try to be more stable during presentations, even push myself to volunteer to present first. Anxiety is something I still struggle with, and something that I may always struggle with, but when I got my drivers license I showed myself that anxiety is not something that has to run my life for me, and that I am the one who has the most influence over the things I do and the things I accomplish. I taught myself that my anxiety is just another part of me that, while maybe harder to control than other parts of me, I can sway and overcome in…
Given that none of these drugs ever made me feel less depressed or less anxious. If anything they made my anxiety worse because it was harder for me to play the role of a “human” I would not respond to things the correct way or slowly and felt like more of a freak and that I never fit in anywhere. It also got my mother angry with me at Christmas when I never seemed to show the correct emotion for receiving a gift or gratefulness I was flat emotionally on all of these drugs. I never liked talking to people and have never felt joy in doing anything that involves people. I like animals and hearing the warm summer wind blowing through the trees and tall grasses, with the birds in background.…
With millions of people in the world, it is important to understand that not one is the same. We all come from different backgrounds and we have different experiences under our belts, and with that comes the importance of social location. Social Location determines what type of person you are, what groups you fit into, and how intersectionality theory affects you either in a positive and or a negative fashion. My social location is unique because of my experiences with mental health. It is important to understand that there is a strong disadvantage with a mental health diagnosis not only because life for that individual is much more difficult, but because of the stigmas that exist around mental health from the healthy population.…
In May 2017 I took a voluntary medical leave of absence after being released from the hospital. During the time I was suffering with an eating disorder, severe anxiety, depression, PTSD, trichotillomania, insomnia as well as ADHD. For most of my life I have suffered with these symptoms, without any treatment, yet I still succeeded academically and was able to function. In my childhood I experienced various forms of abuse and my family did not believe in mental illness nor have the resources to provide me with help, so I kept many of the struggles I faced hidden and continued to perform academically and maintain a perfectionist attitude. Many people in my community admired me but had no idea what I internally was dealing with.…
I’m sweating, shaking, contemplating running, going to the bathroom and hoping I get to be alone, anything. All I have to do is talk to the teacher and I’m losing it. Social anxiety is very serious and for years I struggled with the fact that I was extremely lacking in social skills and could barely talk to even my closest friends at times. Social anxiety is the condition of having an excessive and unreasonable fear of social situations.…
I decided to try and get myself checked into a psychiatric hospital, I wanted to feel better. They told me "You aren't severe enough. " When I walked out of the building, I lost it. I broke down, I screamed because I didn't even want my parents to look at me. I had one of my friends with me, he had been in one of those places before.…
Anxiety: The Ever Tightening Spiral Laying in bed, my thoughts racing through my brain. The time is three a.m. and I cannot recall if I greeted a friend in the hallway at school. What if she thinks I am angry with her?…
Anxiety is something I have always been accustomed to, and even some of my earliest memories involve that anxious, nerve stricken feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was always the shy kid in the class, something to grow out of once I grew older, except that was not the case at all. Anxiety and I have grown closer over the years, so much so, that I developed several crippling anxiety disorders that shaped my life and how I lived it. It came on during my high school years and it affected my school work, my home life, and just about every instance in between. I would wake up every morning filled with anxiety dreading the day ahead of me, and waiting for it all to be over.…