Personal Narrative: Less Anxiety In Relationships

Being told how amazing and special we are has been written in our brains since the day we were born by our parents. Although this perception of ourselves may lead to less anxiety or depression, it can also cause many different problems with our relationships with other people. One example from my own personal life comes to mind, which is when I was beginning to date at the age of only 13 years old, when I still dated females. This romantic and star-crossed lover relationship only lasted about 1 week. It ended dramatically with her telling me that I was rude and mean, slapping me, and storming off. At first, I thought that this ugly girl who I for some reason started dating was stupid and had no clue what she was talking about, and lost the …show more content…
Because of my family, teachers, and peers stating that I am amazing and perfect I made decisions and actually believed to myself that I have no flaws or imperfections. This same situation continued to happen with multiple lovers and eventually I started to realize that perhaps, not all of the people that I was involved in relationships with were all stupid and incoherent and perhaps, just maybe, I may be the reason that these relationships were not working. Till this day I still refuse to accept certain things that people say about me that may be perceived as negative, because I feel like I do not have any flaws or imperfections, but always try and correct it by being a better person and having courage and kindness. The dissonance is shown in this situation in my life when I actually start believing that the girls in my relationships as a teenager were very stupid for not liking me even though to them I was mean or rude. I couldn’t possibly conceive that perhaps I was the one making the mistake and I had faults that were affecting all my relationships, it was the girls. After contemplating this situation in my life and the theories I learned in social psychology, I learned that I am not the only one who at first blames the girl for their stupidity and for not loving …show more content…
I thought I loved my girlfriend, but also felt that I was better off without her. Instead of realizing how much of a terrible person I was, I continued with my value and thought that I was such a great person. I rationalized my behavior with my knowledge and it protected the self-concept of who I am, promoting good things about who I am. Because my mind was put into a corner about a hard argument or admitting to myself that I am such a perfect person, I became an angry person who blamed some stupid girl who was nothing but nice to me when I think back to the situation. The definition of cognitive dissonance states it is, “An unpleasant state of psychological tension that occurs when two thoughts or perceptions are inconsistent, which typically results from awareness that attitudes and behavior are in conflict.” (College of Alameda) Comparing this to my own personal situation, the two thoughts that were in conflict were that I actually thought I was an amazing person and couldn’t convince myself that I might actually have some flaws and this girl was