Sitting in the Chicago airport late one summer evening, waiting for my flight to board, I stared at the wall, wondering how on earth we all got to where we were. I certainly never thought I would be going into my last year of high school with my dad living halfway across the country in some distant, large city with his new girlfriend. School induced enough anxiety on its own. Then again, nobody plans for or expects these things to happen; nobody gets married and has a kid, thinking, I’ll give this about twenty years or so, and then I’ll ask for a divorce at Christmas and move across the country from my kids. It happens anyway, though. My phone, vibrating in my hand, snapped me back to the present. It was my brother, so I answered immediately.
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I told him everything. First, it completely sucked that our dad had left, but whether it would benefit anyone for him to stay in town when he wanted to go was debatable at best. There was also this feeling, which was difficult to explain, especially to my sister, that I did not want to owe him anything, especially if he tried to make up for it all by trying to be a Disneyland dad, only there for the fun parts and for excessive gift-giving. I also lamented that I would have been better off if he had just left years ago when my parents first started having …show more content…
He had to be the one to hang up because I knew that when the conversation was over, I would have to get on the plane and go back to my life of schoolwork and checking off to-do lists. When I finally dropped the phone into my lap as they started to call out boarding groups, I realized I was going to cry despite my efforts to keep cool. Thinking about the other travelers seeing me cry made me feel embarrassed, but I was also too exhausted to stop it. The tears rolled, falling into my lap and onto my boarding pass. They kept rolling even as I repeatedly wiped them away with the back of my hand. They kept coming as I walked down the jet bridge and made it to my seat. They kept coming as the plane finished boarding and the flight attendant made the announcement for the last chance to disembark the plane before the door closed. And they kept coming as I strongly considered fleeing from the aircraft, taking the train to the city, and calling my brother to meet me at the
I told him everything. First, it completely sucked that our dad had left, but whether it would benefit anyone for him to stay in town when he wanted to go was debatable at best. There was also this feeling, which was difficult to explain, especially to my sister, that I did not want to owe him anything, especially if he tried to make up for it all by trying to be a Disneyland dad, only there for the fun parts and for excessive gift-giving. I also lamented that I would have been better off if he had just left years ago when my parents first started having …show more content…
He had to be the one to hang up because I knew that when the conversation was over, I would have to get on the plane and go back to my life of schoolwork and checking off to-do lists. When I finally dropped the phone into my lap as they started to call out boarding groups, I realized I was going to cry despite my efforts to keep cool. Thinking about the other travelers seeing me cry made me feel embarrassed, but I was also too exhausted to stop it. The tears rolled, falling into my lap and onto my boarding pass. They kept rolling even as I repeatedly wiped them away with the back of my hand. They kept coming as I walked down the jet bridge and made it to my seat. They kept coming as the plane finished boarding and the flight attendant made the announcement for the last chance to disembark the plane before the door closed. And they kept coming as I strongly considered fleeing from the aircraft, taking the train to the city, and calling my brother to meet me at the