Gaining Strength “10/325 hydros, five dollars for two, want a bottle? Ill give you 30 for 45 dollars, I’m desperate for money.” My arms vibrated like a Ford truck on an old dirt road. A scent of literal despair radiated off of both of us loitering there. While he was desperate for money, I was desperate for an escape; I was 14 and had seen more life than I wanted to already. 2012 had been the worst year by far, I had witnessed my friend die, my brother fall into drugs, my dad’s alcoholism grow worse and my own addictions start to appear. Yet, how stupid could I get thinking I could leave all of it behind? How ignorant could I be to think it would fade away? Most of all how simple it was to deal with my situation. I didn’t think of any of
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My face would be blank as I stared into the emptiness of a white wall thinking, “I swear to god it’s making fun of me if it could talk.” I could feel my brain sautéing from all the depression. The sharp agonizing pain that never went away in my lower abdomen would make me cringe and cry. It felt as if a knife grazed the inside of my muscle, then didn’t take the time to warn you as it pushed down. In all reality it was hell, fiery burning hell; every time the physical effect came along. I’d hold my side and scream “CRAMP!” to avoid anyone realizing what it really was. I would think to myself “Where are you even going in life, you’re useless, you don’t take honors classes you sit at home and do drugs, skip school. You’re the girl you were worried about becoming when you were little. What happened?” Every single time I’d be alone, I’d hear these confounded words cross through my unstable head like waterfalls that never could have the ability to stop. The pain and complete desolation of my head was something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I couldn’t feel my arms, my legs; I felt chills of ice, crawl down my sweaty back. I had to conceal it from my family at all times; I had to act happy flamboyant, and amused. It tried to kill me and tried to take away my life. I never could think about going back again this state is what provoked me to just cut all ties with anything that …show more content…
It took me a while to realize how much I learned that day. I had to wait for the day I sat in my new pastel room with a wet paintbrush in my hand to figure out how much my life has revised since that moment.
“Wow I really have changed haven’t I?” I had changed; I now have drive for living and getting work done. I now had grade above a 1.6, honors and AP courses. My highest grade is no longer just a B, but over 100%. Commemorating this moment lets me see my second chance in a new light. It drives my motivation to be different and stand up for my own prosperity.
“Looking back at me I saw that I never really got it right.” Listening to the lyrics by Crossfade brings up dense memories of what has happened in the past. It makes me realize that only a second chance will give you real motivation to
My face would be blank as I stared into the emptiness of a white wall thinking, “I swear to god it’s making fun of me if it could talk.” I could feel my brain sautéing from all the depression. The sharp agonizing pain that never went away in my lower abdomen would make me cringe and cry. It felt as if a knife grazed the inside of my muscle, then didn’t take the time to warn you as it pushed down. In all reality it was hell, fiery burning hell; every time the physical effect came along. I’d hold my side and scream “CRAMP!” to avoid anyone realizing what it really was. I would think to myself “Where are you even going in life, you’re useless, you don’t take honors classes you sit at home and do drugs, skip school. You’re the girl you were worried about becoming when you were little. What happened?” Every single time I’d be alone, I’d hear these confounded words cross through my unstable head like waterfalls that never could have the ability to stop. The pain and complete desolation of my head was something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I couldn’t feel my arms, my legs; I felt chills of ice, crawl down my sweaty back. I had to conceal it from my family at all times; I had to act happy flamboyant, and amused. It tried to kill me and tried to take away my life. I never could think about going back again this state is what provoked me to just cut all ties with anything that …show more content…
It took me a while to realize how much I learned that day. I had to wait for the day I sat in my new pastel room with a wet paintbrush in my hand to figure out how much my life has revised since that moment.
“Wow I really have changed haven’t I?” I had changed; I now have drive for living and getting work done. I now had grade above a 1.6, honors and AP courses. My highest grade is no longer just a B, but over 100%. Commemorating this moment lets me see my second chance in a new light. It drives my motivation to be different and stand up for my own prosperity.
“Looking back at me I saw that I never really got it right.” Listening to the lyrics by Crossfade brings up dense memories of what has happened in the past. It makes me realize that only a second chance will give you real motivation to