I have long been confused with pre-attached or post-attached defining boundaries on family relationships. I say the words “half” and “step” can be unsettling; and as I would like to think—are not necessary when there is genuine love, caring and sense of belonging. I remember the first two years after my daughters and I arrived here in the United States from the Philippines as the most challenging years of my life living abroad. Not only was there a huge language barrier between my children, and my step childrenr—but there were also name labeling (i.e.stepmom, stepsister and half-brother), envy, and territorialism and sibling rivalries. From children battling for space, wicked stepmom, annoying stepsisters, and half-brother—stealing dad’s love
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At some point, I have also caught my daughters lying and acting innocent about hiding their step brother’s T.V. remote control as an act of revenge for turning their T.V. off every night. Those times when I was asked to stop calling my step children “my son” and “my daughter” because according to their biological mother, “They are not your kids. They are mine and you have your own.” Those dispiriting times when my mother in law and sister in law used to refer my children and me to “those people, these people and them people.” And how can I forget the day when I asked my stepson to watch his little brother for a minute so I can finish cooking dinner. My stepson didn’t even let me finish what I was about to say. He corrected me right there and then and said, “you mean my little half-brother?” I was stunned. I honestly did not see that one …show more content…
Until that moment, when my stepson defined our blended family; and more—defined his relationship with his little brother. I honestly did not see that coming. I am fine with him referring to my daughters as his stepsisters; after all this is the truth. But his little brother? I looked back at my son and stepson and stared at both of them and could not help but wonder. Their eyes are 100 % identical, the shape of their noses and those creepy “hooks” at the back of their heads are what other people and my husband’s relatives call “the Thompson-nose” and “the Thompson-hook.” My husband, my step-son, my son, along with my step daughter have the same inherited keloid mark in their left ears—all in the same spot. “I see no half, ” I wanted to tell him so bad. There is only whole; two “almost-twins-half-brothers"—but brothers nonetheless. Just as far as me being his “stepmom” and my daughters as his “stepsisters,” although we are not biologically related—we are a whole family, as blended and complicated as we may be. I have five younger half-brothers, and I love them wholeheartedly. I don't think there is anything "half-love" in our sibling
At some point, I have also caught my daughters lying and acting innocent about hiding their step brother’s T.V. remote control as an act of revenge for turning their T.V. off every night. Those times when I was asked to stop calling my step children “my son” and “my daughter” because according to their biological mother, “They are not your kids. They are mine and you have your own.” Those dispiriting times when my mother in law and sister in law used to refer my children and me to “those people, these people and them people.” And how can I forget the day when I asked my stepson to watch his little brother for a minute so I can finish cooking dinner. My stepson didn’t even let me finish what I was about to say. He corrected me right there and then and said, “you mean my little half-brother?” I was stunned. I honestly did not see that one …show more content…
Until that moment, when my stepson defined our blended family; and more—defined his relationship with his little brother. I honestly did not see that coming. I am fine with him referring to my daughters as his stepsisters; after all this is the truth. But his little brother? I looked back at my son and stepson and stared at both of them and could not help but wonder. Their eyes are 100 % identical, the shape of their noses and those creepy “hooks” at the back of their heads are what other people and my husband’s relatives call “the Thompson-nose” and “the Thompson-hook.” My husband, my step-son, my son, along with my step daughter have the same inherited keloid mark in their left ears—all in the same spot. “I see no half, ” I wanted to tell him so bad. There is only whole; two “almost-twins-half-brothers"—but brothers nonetheless. Just as far as me being his “stepmom” and my daughters as his “stepsisters,” although we are not biologically related—we are a whole family, as blended and complicated as we may be. I have five younger half-brothers, and I love them wholeheartedly. I don't think there is anything "half-love" in our sibling