Personal Narrative Essay: The Fear Of Paranoia

Superior Essays
I wake up suffocated by darkness, heart pounding, I gasp for breath that won't come. I don’t know what time it is and for a moment I don’t know where I am. I’m still trapped in whatever hellscape I was in. It takes me a minute to calm my racing heart and to stop hyperventilating. Deep breath in… deep breath out, in and out, in and out, over and over again until I’ve calmed down. By the time I’ve relaxed, I’m too drained to go to my parents for comfort; I instead settle for trying to fall asleep, a fruitless attempt. Exhaustion claws at the back of my throat and my eyelids are like lead yet sleep continues to evade me. Ultimately, I do fall into a fitful rest (my young body too weak to fight it anymore) and wake up the next morning the same …show more content…
That fear stuck with me for the longest time, even despite it being incredibly stupid and making no sense what so ever. Every time I even so much as heard about the next big disaster film I would rush to my parents to assuage my fears, asking, “Can that actually happen?” and “That would never actually happen. Right?” with just a hint of desperation in my voice. They would reassure me, and logically I knew it was ludicrous to think such a thing, but there was always that voice in the back of my head that just didn’t know when to shut up. It would whisper to me at night when I wanted to sleep, in the morning eating breakfast, even at school when I was working. There was no escape. It also didn’t help that I would often find myself in situations where I would be watching disaster movies. Every volcano erupting, earthquake, tsunami or super storm would send me spiralling, days full of uncertainty and anxiety turned into a night full of paranoia induced nightmares. It was a vicious cycle that I didn’t know how to get out of. I only ever let go of the notion that the world was ending after it didn’t. Waking up on the morning of the 22nd of December 2012 alive in a world that had not imploded overnight I realised how stupid it was to be scared. It acted as the catalyst for me overcoming my fear: it literally disappeared overnight. Well …show more content…
I finally relented and accepted that I couldn’t deal with this alone, I told my parents what I was feeling and eventually went to therapy. Talking to a complete stranger about how I felt was strangely cathartic, but not only that, I gained techniques and learned how to cope with my anxiety and fears. My anxiety isn’t gone and I am not fearless by any means. But now, I can cope and manage through breathing techniques, controlled rational thinking, meditation and a host of other means. I never realised how much easier it can be to walk through life when you don’t have to carry a massive weight on your chest every

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