Personal Narrative Essay: Personal Writing: Pit-Patter

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Pit-patter. Pit-patter. Pit-patter. The white balls of snow was dusting onto the window-panes of our car and immediately melting once it had landed. “It means he’s on his way to heaven,” my mom says outloud to break the silence. I shrugged. My mom makes a right turn into the cemetery and we are followed by hundreds of cars. They unload the hearse and six honor guards dressed in their uniform carried him out and placed him onto his grave site. A lot unfamiliar faces gave me condolences and asked if I was okay. Why would anyone be okay with their best friend committing suicide? The same four words were boggling back and forth in my mind when I first found out he took his life, ‘you should’ve been there.’ Taps ended and the American flag was …show more content…
But, there was something different about him. His eyes didn’t sparkle like they used to, his hair wasn’t done, and he was beginning to grow a beard. When he smiled, his eyes would light up. He was always well kept, often got a haircut every three weeks, sometimes even slicking it back. He despised beards because he always thought they were “growing pubes, but on your face” and hard to maintain, so he would constantly shave whatever peach fuzz he encounters. Could it have been PTSD? Gary denied that he had it. He would get furious when it was constantly brought it up. Something in the back of his mind ate him alive and drove him to insanity. It was scary to witness this sudden change in personality. I felt like I did not know him anymore, it made me question who he was. This wasn’t my best friend. Gary had always been an optimistic person. He always had a smile on his face. There was no reason for me and all his friends to believe that he would take his own life. On the day he committed suicide, I received a text saying, “Hey! Can you come over? It’s important, I need to talk” but something came up and I had to cancel. After four days, they found his body and I found the last four letters he had written in his apartment. I can still smell his Yves Saint Laurent cologne. I can still see him sitting on his couch, watching Grey’s Anatomy with York peppermint patties wrappers …show more content…
I could have stopped him. I was selfish and wasn’t there for him when he needed me. I hated and beat myself up when he died. How could I have been so blind? But, how can you save someone who doesn’t want to be saved? How would you know how a person is feeling if they don’t express it? We all assumed he had his life together and that he was content with it. For so long, he suffered from depression. Depression doesn’t have a face or a personality. Depression is real. Be sure to be there for your love ones. Be kind to people. Give them a compliment to uplift their mood. I saw this quote about Robin Williams on Tumblr that reminded me of Gary: A beautiful man walked this earth among us. He seemed to have it all. A fabulous life, incredible talent, and eyes that could light up the world. A man we could only dream we are capable of being. I wish you all could have known him. Because of him, I learned to be more kind, caring, and patient. I’ve become so nurturing to my friends and family because I am afraid of losing them. It is scary to lose someone you love. There is no way to describe this feeling of loss. Sometimes the person who is always there for you and everyone else needs someone to be there for

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