I Learned to Love Myself
As the first-born to very young parents in the mid 1950’s, I was an experiment. For that matter, so were my next three siblings, all born within three years – four kids under four. My parents had their hands full. As with most young children, I had no concept of my place in the world, I only knew that my parents loved me. However, by the time I was ten, I had begun to equate lack of approval from a parent as lack of love; the reality couldn’t have been further from the truth. One evening I found myself alone, sitting on the kitchen floor holding the large butcher knife to my chest. My father, who coached an archery club to which I belonged, had scolded me for something at the meeting. I left the venue and walked …show more content…
Whenever an incident occurred that made me feel unloved, I acted inappropriately: from throwing myself headlong into a concrete wall (many times), to alcohol use, to hitchhiking and disappearing without a word. In every case, the powers of providence protected me from harm, but I was never able to recognize the source of my problem. Looking back, I believe my early experience at the tender age of ten skewed my understanding of how relationships work, how to deal with negative input, and who is responsible for one’s own …show more content…
Whether our addiction is substances, relationships, sensory stimulation or destructive thoughts, coming to realize we have a problem, is the first step. Then, talking to someone is essential. Years ago, I discovered the 12-Step program when working with a friend who was alcoholic. This program has been adapted by the LDS Church for many behavioral issues. That is one approach, or there is the path I took of counselling. Whatever course is taken, the saying, ‘Live one day at time’ is a key understanding. Love yourself enough to give yourself
As the first-born to very young parents in the mid 1950’s, I was an experiment. For that matter, so were my next three siblings, all born within three years – four kids under four. My parents had their hands full. As with most young children, I had no concept of my place in the world, I only knew that my parents loved me. However, by the time I was ten, I had begun to equate lack of approval from a parent as lack of love; the reality couldn’t have been further from the truth. One evening I found myself alone, sitting on the kitchen floor holding the large butcher knife to my chest. My father, who coached an archery club to which I belonged, had scolded me for something at the meeting. I left the venue and walked …show more content…
Whenever an incident occurred that made me feel unloved, I acted inappropriately: from throwing myself headlong into a concrete wall (many times), to alcohol use, to hitchhiking and disappearing without a word. In every case, the powers of providence protected me from harm, but I was never able to recognize the source of my problem. Looking back, I believe my early experience at the tender age of ten skewed my understanding of how relationships work, how to deal with negative input, and who is responsible for one’s own …show more content…
Whether our addiction is substances, relationships, sensory stimulation or destructive thoughts, coming to realize we have a problem, is the first step. Then, talking to someone is essential. Years ago, I discovered the 12-Step program when working with a friend who was alcoholic. This program has been adapted by the LDS Church for many behavioral issues. That is one approach, or there is the path I took of counselling. Whatever course is taken, the saying, ‘Live one day at time’ is a key understanding. Love yourself enough to give yourself