Personal Narrative Eating Disorder

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The sunlight beamed between my shades, leaving me with cringing eyes...

(Please keep in mind that, that I'm not critizing my weight in any of these. Your best weight is whatever size you're truly happiest at.)

Where it all began:

In fifth grade, I was always a bit fluffier than my friends. Which was totally okay, I still hadn't grown out of my baby fat. When I reached middle school I suddenly thinned out. I was unusually tall for a female my age, I was known as "Tree." I never minded my weight nor paid attention to it, until others started continually saying, "You're so skinny!!" "You need to eat!" At first, I would take these comments very personally, but then I started to enjoy them. I became fixated on my weight.

I barely ate anything.
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That is one thing I will always pat myself on the back for. Four years of constant hell and I finally overcame my worst enemy, myself.

If you do have an eating disorder I do not advise not telling anyone about your disorder. It did not make me strong not to tell anyone, I would have been stronger if I asked for help. You are strong and not alone.

High School:

I really had to overcome my malnourished hell when I entered high school sports. I needed the calories to run three miles or more everyday for cross-country. The normal amounts of food made me edgy for quite sometime, but eventually the thoughts slowly started to fade. With constant sports I wasn't gaining much weight anyways.

That's when weight training class started. My legs automatically started packing on muscle, but I kind of liked it. All my friends had muscular thighs and big butts I instantly wanted a big butt, especially because my ex boyfriend loved big butts.


I'm rolling my eyes at myself.

Never try to change yourself to look like others or for someone else. The right person will love you for who you are.

Beginning of Senior
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I got so much crap for transferring, "Oh she couldn't make it at a big university." "She dropped out of college!" At the end of the day, you're the one laying in bed with yourself. Do what makes you happy! I also ended up making a fitness Instagram for myself, which I hid at first. Eventually others started finding it. Some people make fun of me for it, but I don't care. It's for myself and makes me happy. It inspires me and I only follow motivating people. When I lay in bed at the end of the day it makes me happy, so I don't care what others think.

You're beautiful. Stop erasing pictures, because you can pick out one thing that no one else is going to notice. You're going to want to look back at those memories someday. Stop not enjoying your time with friends, because your one insecurity you're constantly trying to hide. It's most likely no one else notices it! If you look at someone and something bothers you about that person, it's most likely because it bothers you about yourself. Find your insecurity and love every inch out of it. You're beautiful in your OWN

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