Revising focuses on the global issues of the paper by paragraph, and sections by revising the organization, style/tone, and its development. During the revision phrase the reader asks themselves questions like the following: Is the argument clear? Does my ideas flow? Are my quality of my evidence good? In addition, eliminating unnecessary sentences, paragraphs and giving advice to extend paragraphs are also part of the revision process. On the other hand, editing focuses on the local issues in sentences such as: spelling, grammar, and punctuation. During this phrase the editor gives suggestive feedback to the writer, and searches for mistakes to fix them by reading the context out loud. Lastly, during the editing phrase you may also keep in
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First, I am in need of replacing my second paragraph with an actual obstacle due to the fact my chosen obstacle is not an actual obstacle. Second, in the paragraph of how Steve overcame the obstacles I need to be more specific on actual methods used. Thirdly, I need to mention the obstacles he faced in the company Apple. Overall, I need to break my points into multiples concise paragraphs in order to create more organized effective essay.
The most helpful piece of advice is when my instructor mentioned that: “You must work on using paragraphs more effectively separate your ideas. Each paragraph should focus on one topic and start with a strong topic sentence. Also, each paragraph should be a fully developed idea consisting of 5-8 sentences.” I personally believe this is the most helpful because it made clear that my formatting of my essay was ineffective and wordy and that’s what caused me the point’s reductions because it did not have a clear focus. Now that I have received such feedback I will eliminate unnecessary sentences in my essay to have a clear focus on my points and to highlight the methods used to overcome the obstacles my chosen career model faced. Fixing the issues stated will allow me to improve my essay and meet all rubric …show more content…
He also mentioned how I combined all my role models problems in one paragraph which made my essay ineffective. He suggested to reduce my paragraphs by not talking so much how I will imply it into my life and actually talking more about the problems Steve Jobs faced.
Giovanie Vallejo – Giovanie feels like my essay focuses more on myself than my role model. He suggested that I revise and edit my essay to focus more on the obstacles he faced and the methods used to overcome them, and my plan to overcome those obstacles if I face them. Lastly, he re-stated that I should shorten my essay so it can be effective.
The strategy used for revising my essay is asking myself questions based of the rubric. For example, I will take a look at the focus section of the rubric and I will ask questions such as: does my essay clearly addresses the content requirements? Those my focus offer significant
First, I am in need of replacing my second paragraph with an actual obstacle due to the fact my chosen obstacle is not an actual obstacle. Second, in the paragraph of how Steve overcame the obstacles I need to be more specific on actual methods used. Thirdly, I need to mention the obstacles he faced in the company Apple. Overall, I need to break my points into multiples concise paragraphs in order to create more organized effective essay.
The most helpful piece of advice is when my instructor mentioned that: “You must work on using paragraphs more effectively separate your ideas. Each paragraph should focus on one topic and start with a strong topic sentence. Also, each paragraph should be a fully developed idea consisting of 5-8 sentences.” I personally believe this is the most helpful because it made clear that my formatting of my essay was ineffective and wordy and that’s what caused me the point’s reductions because it did not have a clear focus. Now that I have received such feedback I will eliminate unnecessary sentences in my essay to have a clear focus on my points and to highlight the methods used to overcome the obstacles my chosen career model faced. Fixing the issues stated will allow me to improve my essay and meet all rubric …show more content…
He also mentioned how I combined all my role models problems in one paragraph which made my essay ineffective. He suggested to reduce my paragraphs by not talking so much how I will imply it into my life and actually talking more about the problems Steve Jobs faced.
Giovanie Vallejo – Giovanie feels like my essay focuses more on myself than my role model. He suggested that I revise and edit my essay to focus more on the obstacles he faced and the methods used to overcome them, and my plan to overcome those obstacles if I face them. Lastly, he re-stated that I should shorten my essay so it can be effective.
The strategy used for revising my essay is asking myself questions based of the rubric. For example, I will take a look at the focus section of the rubric and I will ask questions such as: does my essay clearly addresses the content requirements? Those my focus offer significant